Matt
6:24 No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the
other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot
serve both God and money
Jesus also said, “"If anyone comes to
me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and
sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26)
I
have a confession to make; I am having an extramarital affair on Wanna. I am smart enough that it is not with another
woman. Not only would I not do that to
her, but I would not do that to myself. But really, there is someone else, something else
that comes before her. I am grateful
that she is accommodating of this affair, I have friends whose spouses have not
been so indulgent. My affair is with
Jesus.
When
he told us that no one can serve to master, he was not giving an ultimatum, he
was stating a reality. We cannot have
two loves, two focuses. Always time,
life and circumstances will conspire to force us to choose. Always.
If you have been fortunate enough not to have to choose between two
affections be thankful and be prepared.
I
was originally going to call this entry “Why I hate Jesus.” But thought maybe I should get you reading
before I became offensive.
It has been one of those weeks. I will not go into details, they matter not,
and I know you have had those weeks as well.
The reason why the details are unimportant is that the true struggle has
been within me. I am faced with
situations that would most easily be dispatched if I were not conflicted.
I
would let people go, I would yell at others, and I would turn to those that
scrutinize us and say “See? I was a dick.”
Where
I am caught is that I am wanting to do the right thing. The right thing is not always the most
popular, and often in this world is not appreciated. What I want to do is to support those who
have shown up to a difficult job and have made a mistake. What I want to do, is honour that commitment
and the difference it has made in people’s lives. It is a struggle for integrity.
Jesus
seems to be the one who is saying, “Do the right thing.” And then asks, “If you cannot do the work the
way it should be done, then why do the work at all?”
That
is why I hate Jesus. This struggle is really
his fault. He is the one who has laid
the seeds in me, that began the great work.
It would be easy to fire those who should be fired, regardless of the
devastation in the lives of those they serve.
I could show those who scrutinize us that we don’t tolerate no bullshit. It would show our commitment to having our
work look the way it should.
Jesus,
annoyingly, reminds me that this work never looks the way it should. He is also the one that taught me that in
our errors lies the ability for greater works to be done. He shows me in the midst of all the nonsense
that has gone on this week, where potential exists. Also he reminds me that at no time were
people malicious, and at no time was anyone injured.
Like
I said, today I hate Jesus. I get that
he has a grander view of things, that he sees the big picture. I get that I am lost in the details of my own
life like a myopic ant. I just want him
to make the bad people go away.
I
just want life to be easy.
I hate his indifference to that desire. It
is not that it is indifference to me, or my plight, just the recognition that
reality has a harsher edge to it.
Jesus
is okay with me hating him, he loves me anyways, he also has faith that I will
get over it.
While
it seems that I may be rambling a bit, there is point. I am grateful for my spiritual heritage in AA
and NA. The entire serve two masters is
presented in a different light. The
struggle is between self will and God.
To serve money, is really to serve ourselves, our desires, our
greed. To serve God is to serve you and
those around us.
In
this situation I can either serve the self-serving agendas of those around me,
or I can serve God. Couched in these
terms my choices seem clearer, and I feel braver with the action I am called to
doing.
I am also told, “For the Spirit God gave us
does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Tim
1:7
On a lighter note, in church today we sang
silly songs and danced. Maybe we as a
church are figuring it out.
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