Friday, 2 August 2013

31. Laying Waste to the Earth, Satan’s Trickery, and Night of the Living Dead

Or in other words – Road Trip

A few weeks ago deciding I had had enough I left on a road trip with my kid.  The weeks leading up to that time had been chaotic and aggravating and I had had enough.  And nothing, for this Prairie-raised Canadian Boy, is as soothing to the soul as a road trip.  So, after work one day, I loaded up the car with the kid and some crap and left.
          The plan was simple, Edmonton first to have pizza with the group of Drunken Charismatic Lutherans, then Calgary to see family, then a stop in Drumheller and then back to the coast – some 2,500 kilometres.
          I know in this day of global warming that such blatant overuse of fossil fuels is inexcusable.  I would hang my head in shame, but really, I needed the trip, and needed to let my mind slip into neutral.  I would promise to walk to the store more often to balance my carbon footprint, but I am still fatalistic and believe that we are hurtling to our own demise.  So, in the day of accounting I am willing to stand and admit that I helped with the laying waste to the earth.
          The kid is easy to travel with, he generally sleeps, which has annoyed me to no end as he has missed the mountains in the Rockies twice before.  But, as he sleeps I am alone with my thoughts, and able to pray and enjoy the moment.
          The first night he is usually awake.  Our last road trip he played DJ surfing Youtube for songs that we played over the car’s stereo.  A distant cry from the days of the eight track tape stuck in the player with a folded up cigarette pack to keep it in place.  Technology has brought us light years; we no longer have to smoke in order to get our tunes to play.
          This trip he listened to his phone over his earphones, as I drove.  At one point I turned and looked at him.  His eyes were wide open as he stared out at the night road.  The dashboard lights gave his skin a creepy hue, and then he turned and looked at me.  It looked the set of George Romero movie as the kid had a slightly living dead look to him.
          Edmonton, was well, Edmontonish.  Pizza with the few friends that showed up was good.  A reminder that life, at least for me, has rarely seemed straight forward.  We parted company with hugs and plans for a thanksgiving of sorts in the fall.
          We left Edmonton the next morning without having eaten.  And something about Tim Horton’s just appealed to me.  We drove, actually I drove, the kid napped, until just north of Red Deer when I saw a highway sign for Timmie’s.  I turned and followed the sign, and before I knew it, it was like being on the set of a poorly done “B” horror. 
          You know the ones where the hungry human eating Albertans put up the Tim Horton’s sign, and then a few turn here signs until the person is hopelessly lost.  We did make it to Red Deer, and a Tim Horton’s, but I have no idea just how we made it there, and I am afraid to look under the car even now for fear of finding a local mutant just waiting.
          Calgary was good.  Family, always crazy were more fun than usual.  A cousin of mine has had an instant family, her husband and three boys through marriage.  She, remarkably, looked decided relaxed, maybe exhaustion becomes her.  And, I found my favourite pizza – smoked oysters, anchovies, banana peppers and onions.  Sounds disgusting, BUT, it is so good.
          In Calgary we found the urban version of the horror movie from earlier in the day.  Hungry Calgarians played havoc with their road signs in order to trap hapless tourists.  I got onto Moose Butt Trail, and went north, and then turned off for the road to Happy Valley.  We got turned around so I went back to Moose Butt Trail to find that it had changed from running North to South to running East to West.  Hmmm. 
          Fortunately, there was a lightning storm, so the kid and I were kept entertained as we tried to get our way through the city.  At one point 14th Avenue North West turned into 84th Avenue North East, and then stopped at a T-intersection.  In an act of desperation I noticed the planes flying to the airport, the kid and I followed them, and found our way to my cousin’s house.  Any rumours about a red Kia Soul with BC license plates driving over a golf course have yet to substantiated.
          The next day I went into that den of iniquity called Drumheller.  To me it is amazing, and embarrassing that there are those Christians that believe that Satan has created dinosaurs to limit our belief in God.  For me, it is just more testament to how great God is that there was a time that the earth was inhabited by creatures from my childhood sandbox – hold it – or is that the other way around?  Unfortunately, I was not able to find fossilized dinosaur pooh.  Truly it was saddening.
          The trip back was a miracle.  We left Drumheller at close to one in the afternoon, and stopped at a shopping centre in Calgary before finishing the drive to Vancouver.  We got into Vancouver – Delta – at eleven at night.  I have no idea really how long it should have taken us, after all it is 1,100 kilometres from there to here.  They say it should be about eleven and half hours, that is without purse shopping.  But we made it here very quickly considering that I did not drive like I was evading high speed pursuit.
          Seventy Two hours of mayhem, pizza and prayer and meditation.  What do I have to show for it?
          I wondered about the flight to Egypt by Jesus and the family, and did he continually ask, “Are we there yet?”  And did they have donkey stations, where you could tend to the donkey, grab a coke and go to the washroom? 

          Mostly, what I got, is how small I really am.  As I stood before remains of creatures that lived 65,000,000 years before me, I was reminded that I am insignificant.  Whatever I may fret about will be forgotten as I die, and probably not even thought of again.  As I drove past a mountain 1,500 times taller than I, I remembered just how small I really am.  And two thousand kilometres was enough distance to put this all into perspective.  Oh and the kid, he actually stayed awake long enough to see Mt. Robson, and then Fortress Mountain.

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