37. Called to Reconcile

There is neither Jew no Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus - Galatians 3:28

This has been a humbling week - one in which if I was so inclined I could see the hand of God in international affairs teaching me - I am not so inclined.  The lesson has been how insidious racism has been in my own life - particularly in regards to white-male privilege.  It has been one of those weeks when my belief that my call as a Christian is really to be a better human being has been affirmed.

And please indulge my self-obsessed writing this week, but if I am to share this lesson I can only do so from the perspective from behind my eyeballs.  I share it to give you, the reader, an opportunity to consider its implications for yourself.

The set up for this lesson has been the woman I have written about two weeks ago.  The situation continues, and I had a huge flash of gratitude this week.  That gratitude comes from an insight she has afforded me.  It struck me that her dislike of me has nothing to do with me.  She does not care that what she is up to impacts my wife and my kid - it does not matter.  It does not matter that I have a wealth of experience - she does not care.  She sees simply what she wants to see.  Thus the source of my insight and gratitude - I have experienced prejudice.

In no way do I want to equate what I am experiencing to the experiences of those judged before they are even met.  However, I am dismissed for reasons that she cannot state - others have asked her and her answer changes each time.  She has been dishonest in her dealings with me, and has engaged in campaigning against me behind the scenes.  And not for the first time in my life, but more sharply with this experience, the privilege that I have enjoyed as a White Man has been denied me.

To meet me, one would state that I am not a racist.  My wife is Thai, and when you meet her you would understand my attraction to her is that she is my equal.  Our son is biracial – of European and African descent.  One of my closest friends, like a sister, is Fijian.  I worship in a predominately Chinese congregation.  All of this has just developed in my life, there has been no intent to create such diversity.

Yet.  I am more than just White - I am Anglo-Saxon Protestant.  It is my heritage that the world was and still is viewed as being created for my exploitation.  It is what drove European Imperialism. It is what made my people look at this land and decide it was ours for the taking.  It is what drove the horror of the Residential Schools.   Little do we realize that we were considered unclean and stinky people as we arrived in other countries because we had hygiene habits that were ridiculously lacking.

The next part of this week’s lesson has been a controversy within the North American Church.  The details are not important - the dialogue that erupted after is important.  A prominent pastor in the course of organizing a church plant in Hong Kong made a huge cultural gaff.  What was alarming was his original response which was, “Get a grip, I was only joking.”  I saw this as being indicative of an ongoing systemic racism that is larger than just the church.  In the injury and the resulting outcry and ongoing dialogue exists an opportunity for healing and reconciliation.  I do not know the church’s intent or motivation, or the mechanics of this church plant.  Personally, I object to an American church planting a church in Hong Kong.  It smacks too much of White Imperialism - the shadows are too thick.  But perhaps, this church plant might be just the thing to shake those shadows loose.

Further I am a man.  As a White Man I was born with an expectation that the entire world exists for my benefit.  It is that expectation that drives consumerism. It justifies the depletion of the world's resources and global warming and the other toxifications we do to this world.  It is that expectation that justifies the exploitation of my fellow humans, women, children and men.  It is not that White Men are the only ones with this expectation, but I think we have perfected this perspective of the world.

As a final installment of this lesson I arrive at church this week to find my Chinese Pastor talking to our predominately Chinese congregation about racial and cultural reconciliation.  I am not sure whether the irony was evident to all.  This was the ethnic group my country got to build our railway as it was too dangerous a job for us white folk.  And there was Pastor Dan  encouraging the congregation to become ambassadors of God reconciling race, ethnicity and culture.

One step further in this insight for me is that I am an addict.  I can take whatever offers solace, comfort and excitement and over indulge ad nauseum until it becomes a destructive force for those around me and myself.  In light of my understanding of my ethnic heritage it is hard for me to separate my addiction from the legacy handed me.  Thus, my insight this week has lead to some rather severe and pointed introspection.

This week has been a challenge to me.  I have no idea if it is the Holy Spirit challenging me through my conscience, or if it is part of my growth in the Lord, but everything has come under question.  Is my annoyance of people getting in my way a side effect of my being too rushed for my own good, or is it my belief that the world should accommodate me?  Is my struggle with lust an inherent character flaw or a remnant of the belief women were made for my benefit?  Is my resentment with this woman a reaction to injustice or the belief that I should not be frustrated with my desires?  There are other questions that have confronted me.

I did not choose to be a White Man.  I am not overly conscious of this as I wake up and go through my day.  Nor am I overtly racist.  But I have found myself wondering how much of my struggle lies in the beliefs that were handed on to me, and that I perpetuate myself?  I know I do better with White Privilege than others.  But it occurs to me that as I wait for my current dilemma, of being unjustly judged, to pass that I am simply waiting for things to return to as they always have been.  My sisters and brothers of colour and different ethnicity have no such expectation.  That has been a harrowing thought, that what has been is just the same tired dismissal of one’s humanity based on race, ethnicity, culture or gender. 

I offer this to you, not as a confession, but as a request for you to see in my struggle to become a decent human being something of yourself.  My Pastor today urged us to listen to the experiences of others, and we should.  I also think for myself I need to examine how I am part of the problem.

I would ask for continued prayers for this woman and for myself.

36. Called to be Missional

Matt. 25: 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

We are called to live in compassion: to clothe and feed the poor, tend to the sick, and visit those in prison.  We are also called to go make disciples of all nations.  We are called to live as a missionary. 

I think there is great service in creating the mission field.  Although I believe that I have not been called to go and teach the gospel to the unsquashed hamsters of Nepal, I see value in going to other countries and being of service.  Not so big on preaching at them, but joining with them in their lives and struggles? I am all over that one.

I also believe, more whole heartedly, in the mission fields closer to home.  For us -the Downtown Eastside. My church is very missional in the community in which we meet.  There are pockets of need locally from the shores of Vancouver to the streets of Hope.  And I truly believe that we should see those as being mission fields.

It is interesting that Christ did not say, “I was hungry and you preached to me, I was thirsty and you told me to change my evil ways, I was in prison and you told me that I was an abomination before the Lord.”  Jesus would be the kind of guy I would want if I needed help, some of my fellow Christians...mmm...not so much.

My concept of being a missionary is not dropping in uninvited to convert the unwashed masses to Christianity.  Christ didn’t do that.  Christ loved people, talking with them, told jokes and it is my personal belief that some of them would have been a bit off colour.  And people responded to that love.  We are called to do that same.

Christ taught us that in doing so, that we were doing it to him.  I would like us to realize that one of the Old Testament references to Christ was that he was despised.  Thus, the mentally ill woman who resides in the alleyway, or the unwashed man who asks for a quarter, or whoever else we find worthless is actually Christ-like. 

I see another mission field, one that I see every Sunday.  A friend of mine that had served time in prison – a number of them – talked about how they all smell the same.  They all smell like fear.  He talked about prison not being the place behind bars, but being the place where you cannot do what you want to do.  He found freedom in prison, and had experienced confinement while outside of those bars.

Romans 7:19  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

I cannot think of a worse place to be, for I have been there, and still am.  I know what I can be, I know the potential that lives within me.  And I know the good I want to do I do not do.  The evil that I do not want to do I keep on doing.  The mission field that I see is the church, and those called to be the body of Christ. 

When I get past the glib repetition of this verse, and let the truth sink in, it is like I have Tourette’s of the soul.  I live with the knowledge and regret that I am not what I could be.  I also know that you live with that truth also.

So this Sunday, and I hate being social on Sunday.  There are some people that I like and I say hi to, but others, well, I just don’t know what to say.  There are others that I avoid – “excuse me I have to go pee” – others I smile like an idiot and say, “boy these are good donuts today”.  But back to Sunday.  This Sunday, my mission field will be my church.  I will ask people how they are?  What is happening in their life? 

I know I hold a strange idea of what it is like to be a Christian.  Having been made a new creature in the Lord, granted super powers – nothing bothers me anymore for I have the Peace that passes all understanding.  Lately, that image has become a bit frayed at the edges. 

I still have a person that the thoughts of doing great bodily harm to has some appeal.  I wonder about praying to a God that has a different – better – perspective on matters and has a different design for my life.  You know, “Please Dear Lord, I still have not finished playing with these toys and I still like it, and don’t really believe that the next ones are better so leave me alone.”

But I do know it is hard to remain faithful, so this week, I will seek to be of service to the person that stands next to me.  Together we can offer each other solace and comfort that the path can be narrow and tricky to walk. But for a moment we can share the comfort of companionship.

John 13: 12 - 17 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

35. Called to Pray

Recently I have been dealing with a woman who is, well, um, the poster child for eternal conscious torment.  I have hated bullies for as long as I can remember.  And this woman is a bully.  This woman works in one of the offices of the branch of Government that I do business with.

          She has taken a dislike for me, and the people who work with me.  No one, including those people who quite appreciate the work we do, understands why she does not like us.  If it stopped there I would be fine.  But we care for those who are vulnerable, and this woman uses them in her plotting against us.  And it is for that reason that I have rethought my belief of eternal punishment.

          Pick on me, and really I do not give a – yes this is a Christian blog. But pick on others, use others who are vulnerable, and well, I am of the opinion that your punishment should be long and torturous. 

          My God has a rather nasty reputation, afterall Hurricane Katrina was blamed on him.  As well as Tropical Storm Sandy.  The Japanese earthquake and resulting tsunami was also attributed to him.  Now these supposedly were punishments for people being amoral.  So when it came time to pray for this woman I was rather hopeful.  One well placed lightening bolt.  Or, tree knocked over by a gust of wind.  Or, a rabid rabbit that managed to get into her home.  Something nasty could be done.

Matt 5:43 & 44 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

          It is with some disappointment that this verse came to mind.  I really would like God to cause calamity to befall her.  I would really like to see a serving of the wrath of God with a side of fire and brimstone delivered to her.  But, I am asked to love her, and pray for her.

          Jesus and I, or maybe it is just I, are working out the details of this.  I will pray but I do not promise about not vomiting.  Sometimes I do better than others.  This week has not been a good week.  The decisions that she is making in regards to a young man we care for will leave him vulnerable to exploitation by others, and open to serious if not life altering consequences. 

          In times previous I have prayed for her.  Albeit in a back handed show of compassion.  I would certainly not want to be her.  I have thanked God that I landed in the body that I am in.  To be that petty, that unethical, must – I hope – lead to a miserable existence.  But alas I am the one who is miserable.

Philp 4:4 - 7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

          It is one of those times when I am frustratingly human.  I know that to forgive her, even as she is committing this act, and to pray for her, offers me release.  Yet, I just cannot bring myself to do that. But I am told how to pray – numerous times – but I like this verse.

          For on the same day that I found out that this woman planned to deny service to one of our guys, we managed to get one who had been homeless settled in one of our homes.  There are also those who we care for who live lives that are much less traumatic. For many of them we are the only agency willing to take them on.

          I also am privileged to lead a group of men and women who are dedicated, compassionate and loving.  Women and men who have experienced grace in the recovery from their own drug addictions, imprisonment, and homelessness and express their gratitude by giving back.

          I am grateful and rejoice that these people are celebrated by other workers in other offices.  When I write that we take on the clients most other agencies won’t touch I am not engaging in hyperbole or exaggeration.  These other people like us, want us to succeed, and work with us to develop further business.

          So tonight I will pray for the young man that this woman wants to set out on his own.  I will pray that he will be kept safe.  I will thank God for all that I am grateful for.  I am not sure that I will pray for this woman. 

          I would ask you to pray for me – that I find peace with this situation, that I mature in my walk.  I would ask you pray for her as well,

Philip 1:3 - 6 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.   

34. Are you born again?

John 3:3 – 8 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.”

“What do you mean?” exclaimed Nicodemus. “How can an old man go back into his mother’s womb and be born again?”

 Jesus replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit. Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life. So don’t be surprised when I say, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.”

I was asked about my blog this week.  It is not an unusual occurrence.  Friends and acquaintances have been reading and asking questions.  Am I planning a revolt from within?  Why do I use some many scripture references?  Do I mean to sound so Christian in my writing?

This week the question was, “Are you born again?”

Romans 6:4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

I stumbled.  The question of course, or maybe it is just me, is a reference to the Evangelical Christian Right, equally known as Fundamentalists.  I didn’t know how to answer.  The question was also “Are you one of those Whack Jobs?”  The answer is an unequivocal yes, but we need to define Whack Job.

Buying some time I asked her what she meant by Born Again.  It was not just a dodge; the term has some misconceptions to it so getting clarification is always a good idea.  I assured her that I was not going to get her to stop so I could baptize her in the ditch.  Her question was what I would have expected, am I one of those born again Christians, who will push religion on her?

Romans 10:9-10 Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

I also surmise that behind that question is a sense of guilt and shame.  It is unpopular to believe that we as a collective whole and individually have messed up.  With the belief that we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, comes a shadow of us Christians judging and condemning others.  Most of which was done to create a diversion from our own particular form of depravity.

But when we take a stand for righteousness, no matter how unimposing, we take a stand that all of us are in error.  In this culture, with our permission to satisfy any and every appetite, desire and lust, such a message is truly unwelcome. 

I answered the question as best I could, giving my Christian history, and my own struggles, and the fact that I am still rather eccentric to say the least.  That given my penchant for making life more complicated than I need to, and refuse to colour inside the lines, that I could use as much help as I could.  That I think the Grace of God should suffice. 

But her question got me to thinking.  Am I born again?  I don’t feel it.  After all I did become a new creation in Christ, but I had the same struggles as always.  My addiction and my depression, both of which are unwanted, have remained with me in one form of another for my entire life.  There are times when I am truly inspired and emotionally uplifted in the presence of God.  But my day to day life, while not a drudgery, seems less than uplifted.

I know the multilevel marketing pitch of Christianity.  The push to create as many people as possible in your down-line.  It is the consumer approach to spirituality.  I come to Christ and I am made shiny and new, my teeth become whiter, I lose fat, I gain few inches in height, those who pay me for my services pay me more than before I converted.  That has not been my experience of being born again.

Philippians 3:7 – 9 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.

It seems to me that faith is something more profound than finding the Creator of the Universe and being given all that I ask.  I believe that my birth of spirit, that awakening of that part of me that was dead, has led me to more deeply understand the world around me; to more fully experience compassion in my life.  I am called to live in right relationship with God.

For myself my faith is more of an inner journey.  I do talk with others about what I believe, and about my faith in Christ.  When I talk to those people who will listen I talk as one questing soul to another.  I hope that I am able to help them find the way for it is narrow, just as they help me find the way.  More often than not I find the soul that is struggling to find its way is another sibling in Christ.

So yes I am Born Again.