68. Pretending to be Someone Else

2 Cor 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

This has been a strange period of time for me, and I am more than a bit frustrated.  Though the government agency has finished their review of my agency, and there was nothing found that should prohibit my resuming taking on new business, we are still not cleared to do so. It is a bit frustrating as we cannot provide quality service with low numbers, in order to do adequate work there needs to be sufficient income, so that the person who works with me as well as myself do not have to split our attention to make ends meet.

As well, the other venture that I have been working with has taken a huge step sideways.  After a month of writing, asking for feedback, and being told that the work has been really good, during the meeting to finalize the material I have been working on, I am told that it actually is useless.  When I asked why that honest feedback wasn't given earlier it was explained they didn't want to hurt my feelings. 

I am not really sure how to take all this. I believe the saying is I don't know whether to scream, cry or go blind. 

The home front can carry equal frustration; we are in the midst of renovations. (Need I say more?)  I chuckle as I realize that if the renovations were a child then she would be going into grade one this year.  The roofing job we had done last year is actually worse than I thought when I first saw it.  And, with the business still in a holding pattern, the renovations are proceeding at the blinding speed of a glacier.

So if you hear on the radio or see on the TV the breaking story of a naked man on the roof of his house with a paintball gun, you can tell people you know that man.

 

I feel most challenged about prayer.  It seems messed up to ask God for my roof to be healed, when there will be people who die today because they went without food.  As well, how do I pray for more money when there are families in my community that are a pay cheque away from being destitute? The entire idea of rolling out my Letter to Santa and climbing up on God's lap to ask for new toys disturbs me.  Not that I think I should just shut up and be glad with what I have, but honestly, I am glad with what I have.

And so...

I am thanking God that life is so large that these kind of challenges confront me.

I am praying not that these situations go away, but rather for guidance as to what to do.  I believe that there exists an opportunity within all of this.

I am not going to tell the person who did not give me feed back until it was useless that she is an idiot.

I am moving ahead with confidence by hiring my cohort full time knowing that I can catch up later.

I am trying to see each situation as an opportunity to be of service and to be the messenger of love, grace and God that I am created to be.

It doesn’t come easy. 

There is still a desire to rant like Chevy Chase in the movie Vacation. The rant that includes "whistling zip a dee doh dah" out of a particular orifice - that “give you a piece of my mind” screaming fit.  But, I don't.  I am pretending to be someone else, a new creation.

And....

I have had the owner of a roofing company volunteer to help me to get the roof done properly by the first company.

There has not been the same delay with contracts that usually happen.

Then the other day thinking that I seemed kind of cranky Wanna tackled me – wink wink nudge nudge

I believe that I am created in the likeness of God.  Therefore, I am gracious, and patient, and loving, and kind, despite the fact that those traits lie buried and trampled over by my personal history.  So when I write about a new creation in Christ it is finding my way back to how God intended me to be.  I am not there yet.  I still want to stand up on a particular board room table and pee on a certain report. So instead I am pretending that I am someone else.  I am not sure who that person is, but I know how he is - a new creation.

And the miraculous seems to be happening.