142. Fuck off? Really?

Fuck off? Really?

First of all is the misinterpretation of religious scriptures, holy scriptures, in the Bible, Old Testament, New Testament, Quran and so forth, and these have been misinterpreted by men who are now in the ascendant positions in the synagogues and the churches and in the mosques. And they interpret these rules to make sure that women are ordinarily relegated to a secondary position compared to men in the eyes of God. – Jimmy Carter

The person who should probably read this post will probably never see it. I blocked him on Facebook.  I don’t think he is in one of my google circles either – I don’t even know if that caught on. But his response to one of my posts left me somewhat rattled, and even more; perplexed.

          The posting was innocent enough, or maybe not. It was a video that started with one of my favourite comedians Anna Akana. Her comment was, “I am seriously so fucking tired of being responsible for not getting raped.”  What followed were women talking about everyday things they did to feel safe in the world. It addressed the reality of living in a culture that still tolerates rape. 

          It was simple stuff like only listening to music with one ear phone in, and walking by one’s own house if she felt she was being followed.  All the stuff they do to feel safe in a society that still excuses rape.

          Curious, I could post a cute bear picture and have dozens of likes and numerous comments, or a picture of Snoopy with the same effect.  There were only two likes for this posting. And one comment, “Fuck off.”

Really?

Fuck off?

The comment still irritates me.  The answer to what these women experience everyday, the continuous undercurrent of fear, was, “Fuck off.”  A comment from a man who probably never experiences fear on a regular basis.  Not that men do not experience fear, we all do.  But for the most part I can walk down the corner 7 11 without worrying about being assaulted, let alone being raped.

          Those areas where I go that create a feeling of dread or concern are places I have to go to, most often by choice. As a child I grew up in a home where I experienced fear. But as an adult, no, I have never lived in a place where I was afraid.

          To be balanced, I know of men who have been brutalized in their home, of women who have abused, injured and killed their offspring. So us men are not alone when it comes to inflicting violence upon those close to us. But I think most men, most straight white men know a luxury others do not.

          I have never had someone come up to me and yell at me to go back to my own fucking country. Nor, have I ever been catcalled and told I had a great ass. I have never had someone call out to me, “Hey father, want another?”

So I have a suggestion for that man, and for all of us.

If you are sick and tired of hearing women whine, bitch and complain about what it is like for them to live in a world where they can be grievously assaulted for simply being a woman, then I have a suggestion for you.  Get off your ass and take a stand so that such complaints are not needed.

If you are sick and tired about women talking about claiming the power and agency over their own bodies, then I have a suggestion for you. Respect women as you would want to be respected, and support them in the same manner that you would want support for your own autonomy.

If you are sick and tired of hearing about date rape, and how women should be able to wear what they want, and go where they want, then I have a suggestion for you. Don’t be one of those who are cause for such comments, and at the same time tell those friends of yours not to be one of those guys as well.

In many ways, the situation has got worse. We have public, very public, celebrities and politicians making comments such as “Rape is the will of God.” “Women should shut up and enjoy it.” “It is not rape if it is your spouse.” I find it deeply disturbing that if we were talking man on man rape these comments would be unacceptable.

So, let me ask you…

Have you had THE conversation?

You know the conversation about how we have the responsibility to ensure that women around us feel safe, and know that we are not a threat. Have you talked with your sons and his friends? Have you talked to your friends? Have you decided yourself, that you will not be a threat no matter what the circumstances?

Have you taken steps to support women in asserting their own agency over their own body? Do those women around you know that you are an ally? Are you an ally?

I see this as an issue with no middle ground. To not stand visibly opposed to violence against women, is to condone it.