145. What was he thinking?

Hebrews 2:17 & 18: For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

We are in the season of advent. That part of me that needs to fuck with everything wants to point out: it is mostly made up.  Christ was not born in December. The entire nonsense of shepherds tending their flock while ass deep in snow did not happen. At least not in snow.

          If you have followed my posts through this blessed season in years previous, you know the narrative so often told of the birth of Christ is wrong.  I believe he was born.  As a Christian, I believe in the death and resurrection, thus he would have had to have been born in order for that to happen.

          This year is a little darker, maybe even sinister, for me. I find myself questioning the birth of Christ. Questioning, not if it happened, but why it happened. What was he thinking? It is one of those times I stand convinced of our collective putridness. To my perspective Jesus coming here would be like going for a swim in a septic tank.

          Did he come as God, with all the fanfare and celebration we would expect? No. There was no privilege claimed. He came as the lowliest of positions; the illegitimate child of a peasant girl from a town that defines insignificance. Later, he and the family became refuges. We all know what we think of refuges.

          He was fully human. There would have been skinned knees, tears, puke and shit. As a teenager did he have a crush? I would think so. His purity came not from abstinence – a concept that is ours, and is disturbing. His purity came from the love he had, and still has, for us. But he must have known desire, and the heart break of rejection. He would have known exhaustion, illness, rejection, and all the foibles of life. Ultimately, he was a despised one. His death on the cross would have been a fitting finish to a life spent being shunned by people.

          His coming here, if we really pay attention, let’s us know how wrong we have things. The Kingdom of Heaven is the opposite of what we assume it to be. It is not about competition, it is not about being at of a pyramid scheme of adoration. Rather, we are called to service. It is recognizing ourselves in each other. It is recognizing Christ in each other.

Mark 9:35 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

          God does not simply sit on high demanding love, praise and obedience. Rather he seeks an involvement in our lives, individually and collectively. That is what advent is about. The celebration of which should be everyday not just this time of the year.

          He does that through us. I am not a fan of the salvation from hell doctrine. I believe we are called into a salvation from idiotic living. A life of service to each other. As I learned in 12 step groups, “Let it begin with me.”

Jesus exemplified, letting it begin with me.

1 Corinthians 1:27 -  29 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.

144, Confusing the Issues

Originally I was going to call this post "In Search of Trolls"

This week Trinity Western University’s case goes before the Supreme Court of Canada.  If you have not heard of this case, it is that graduates of the law school of the university will not be considered for the Bar in some provinces because of the code of conduct of the school. The code of conduct prohibits sex outside of the university’s definition of traditional marriage.

          Do not get bogged down in the details; I haven’t. The situation is an excellent opportunity to consider how to translate a moral stand into the world.  And, I see few sides, except the university’s as being right.

          What confounds the issues is that almost everyone has taken a binary approach to the issues.  If you are not in support of the school, then you are Pro-Gay. If you are supportive of the school, you are Anti-Gay. So, let me wade into the cesspool created by people trying to claim moral authority. Both sides of this issue are trying to do so. The truth is, there are more than two sides.

          I support the school.  It does not house the only law school in the province, let alone the country. I think the inclusiveness of the prohibition against sex outside of traditional marriage is rather convenient. Their definition of traditional marriage does not include those between people of the same gender. But, it is not a hidden requirement.  If you are considering going to Trinity Western University, then you would already know, or quickly be made aware, of their position.

          If Trinity Western was the only university offering degrees in law, then there might be a point to this claim of discrimination. What if my personal belief was that traditional marriage had more to do with the oppression of women, and had decided not to become betrothed to Wanna? Or what if she was a he, and thus by not honouring the morals of the only law school, I was denied an education? Then, there might be more to this claim of discrimination than what I see now. Further, it is not a ban on LGBTQ people, rather their behaviour as the person attends.

          From what I have seen in the discussion of this issue, given my position of supporting the university, is that I would be considered anti-LGBTQ.  Which if you have read my posts, or talked to me, you would know is not the case. I consider myself an ally. I believe that scripture has been used to endorse the politics of a heteronormative society.  I also firmly believe that the most of collective Christianity’s stance has more to do with moral license than it does with scripture. Moral license is that idea I can do this bad thing, because I do this good thing, or do not do that other bad thing.

          But to others, I would be considered Pro Gay.  That is kind of a confusing statement.  Yes, I am an ally.  I believe that one’s sexual expression should not be reason to discriminate against that person.  It is not a slippery slope to stand on.  The referencing to those who offend sexually betrays a significant ignorance regarding the difference between sexual expression and sexual pathology.  Sexual offending has little to do with sexuality. But I am not Pro Gay. I do not believe that you should go out and have gay sex over straight sex. But I don’t believe that a man who loves another man should be denied his rights of citizenship because of that love.

          The entire controversy with this situation allows us to examine broader issues. Can I realize that one belief or position does not mean another? If I decide that the mosque down at the end of the street is welcome, then does that mean I support terrorism? Does it mean that I am not sure about my own Christian faith? Can I support Muslims and not be anti-Christian?

          Can I pause in love, and listen to the other person? I mean really listen, not so that I can offer a counter argument, but so that I can understand their position. Can I accept that someone else might be right?

We live in a world that is increasingly diverse and tolerant. I welcome that development. I like it that people of colour are no longer considered only partially human. I like it that women are people. But we have to change how we are amongst ourselves if we are going to present the Love of Christ to the world.  I believe, that it is showing the Love of Christ to the world that we are called to do.

143. Too Ethical to be Christian

During my earlier days, I had held onto a secret. I was too ethical to really believe Christianity. Then, I was confronted in church one day.  The ideal place to be confronted on one’s relationship with Christ.

          I had attended the Sunday Morning service of the Church of the Drunken Charismatic Lutherans. I was in town visiting my father who was dying of cancer.  I was asked by my good friend’s mother as to why I was in town.  I told her, dad was dying, and I was visiting. After a brief prayer for my dad, I was then asked if I would see my dad before I left for Vancouver. I replied I would, she replied she would pray for that conversation. I knew what she was getting at by the question. Would I be able to wring a death bed conversion out of my dad?

          My dad’s notoriety was all alcohol related.  On a good day he drank a little over 20 oz. of vodka. On other days it was between 50 and 70 oz.  That had been going on for the better part of two decades. It should not surprise you that my dad was dying of pancreatic and liver cancer. And despite my well nursed resentment for his actions, I realized that he was a sick man. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually sick as well as physically sick.

          Between the two of us, my friend’s mom and I, the one who should be rooting for an eternity of “How do you like the apples?” Should have been me. However, I was the one that saw that sending an old man to hell was wrong. This was a man who had not made a rational decision in twenty years. For him to be judged on making the wrong decision, was beyond unfair. I told her that we obviously were not of the same faith.

Now, you might want to tell me that this woman does not represent your faith. That not all Christians are like her. Or, that you are not THAT kind of Christian.

We have a larger issue. A certain Alabama Senate Candidate when he was an assistant District Attorney had sexually assaulted a fourteen-year-old girl. There are four more that have come forward.  And once again morality and my faith are at odds.

                There is a letter that was signed off by 53 pastors in support of Roy Moore.  3 of them have stated that they no longer support him. They point out that the letter they signed was from before this crisis.  But 50 pastors remain silent, and thus supportive of Moore.

Now, I am explaining that those 50 pastors do not represent my faith. That not all Christians are like them. Or, I am not THAT kind of Christian.

The truth is that those 50 pastors DO represent our collective faith. Too many Christians are like them. It does not matter if I am or am not THAT kind of Christian.

We have branding issue with our faith.  And we do not understand the dynamics behind this crisis. First, the morality of those without faith is better than our collective morality. Think about that for a moment. This not an exaggeration, those of our faith have used the nativity story to explain a 32 year-old-man for having a sexual encounter with 14-year-old girl. This sexual encounter was not consensual, nor was it in the confines of “Traditional Marriage.”

Second, Christ has endorsed this behaviour. The body of Christ, or was our being so just a metaphor, seems to approve of this behaviour. Even if the reference to the faithful being the body of Christ was a metaphor, we are the face of Christ to those around us.  We are the expression of our faith.

I have some suggestions. I always do.

First, let’s admit we have a problem with our morality. As a group we sign off on some pretty toxic shit. It is time that we stopped pretending that it is not our collective morality.

Second, that we demand that we do something about it. During the time of two churches I was discussing the teaching by the one minister with a member of that church. I said I thought the message was more than a little off, he replied, “I know, but he is just so entertaining, he gets me fired up.”  We need to do than more fact checking our ministers. Does the message from the pulpit, bar table, or centre stage reflect your belief? We need to support those who teach, and holding them accountable for the message is one such way.

Third, Tim Minchin, an Australian comic, says that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. He goes on to say, unlike assholes, opinions should regularly be brought out and examined. That they should be examined by those around us. Are you willing to discuss yours, to explain yourself, and consider criticism without defending your belief?

Thanks for letting me ramble.

142. Fuck off? Really?

Fuck off? Really?

First of all is the misinterpretation of religious scriptures, holy scriptures, in the Bible, Old Testament, New Testament, Quran and so forth, and these have been misinterpreted by men who are now in the ascendant positions in the synagogues and the churches and in the mosques. And they interpret these rules to make sure that women are ordinarily relegated to a secondary position compared to men in the eyes of God. – Jimmy Carter

The person who should probably read this post will probably never see it. I blocked him on Facebook.  I don’t think he is in one of my google circles either – I don’t even know if that caught on. But his response to one of my posts left me somewhat rattled, and even more; perplexed.

          The posting was innocent enough, or maybe not. It was a video that started with one of my favourite comedians Anna Akana. Her comment was, “I am seriously so fucking tired of being responsible for not getting raped.”  What followed were women talking about everyday things they did to feel safe in the world. It addressed the reality of living in a culture that still tolerates rape. 

          It was simple stuff like only listening to music with one ear phone in, and walking by one’s own house if she felt she was being followed.  All the stuff they do to feel safe in a society that still excuses rape.

          Curious, I could post a cute bear picture and have dozens of likes and numerous comments, or a picture of Snoopy with the same effect.  There were only two likes for this posting. And one comment, “Fuck off.”

Really?

Fuck off?

The comment still irritates me.  The answer to what these women experience everyday, the continuous undercurrent of fear, was, “Fuck off.”  A comment from a man who probably never experiences fear on a regular basis.  Not that men do not experience fear, we all do.  But for the most part I can walk down the corner 7 11 without worrying about being assaulted, let alone being raped.

          Those areas where I go that create a feeling of dread or concern are places I have to go to, most often by choice. As a child I grew up in a home where I experienced fear. But as an adult, no, I have never lived in a place where I was afraid.

          To be balanced, I know of men who have been brutalized in their home, of women who have abused, injured and killed their offspring. So us men are not alone when it comes to inflicting violence upon those close to us. But I think most men, most straight white men know a luxury others do not.

          I have never had someone come up to me and yell at me to go back to my own fucking country. Nor, have I ever been catcalled and told I had a great ass. I have never had someone call out to me, “Hey father, want another?”

So I have a suggestion for that man, and for all of us.

If you are sick and tired of hearing women whine, bitch and complain about what it is like for them to live in a world where they can be grievously assaulted for simply being a woman, then I have a suggestion for you.  Get off your ass and take a stand so that such complaints are not needed.

If you are sick and tired about women talking about claiming the power and agency over their own bodies, then I have a suggestion for you. Respect women as you would want to be respected, and support them in the same manner that you would want support for your own autonomy.

If you are sick and tired of hearing about date rape, and how women should be able to wear what they want, and go where they want, then I have a suggestion for you. Don’t be one of those who are cause for such comments, and at the same time tell those friends of yours not to be one of those guys as well.

In many ways, the situation has got worse. We have public, very public, celebrities and politicians making comments such as “Rape is the will of God.” “Women should shut up and enjoy it.” “It is not rape if it is your spouse.” I find it deeply disturbing that if we were talking man on man rape these comments would be unacceptable.

So, let me ask you…

Have you had THE conversation?

You know the conversation about how we have the responsibility to ensure that women around us feel safe, and know that we are not a threat. Have you talked with your sons and his friends? Have you talked to your friends? Have you decided yourself, that you will not be a threat no matter what the circumstances?

Have you taken steps to support women in asserting their own agency over their own body? Do those women around you know that you are an ally? Are you an ally?

I see this as an issue with no middle ground. To not stand visibly opposed to violence against women, is to condone it. 

141, Breathing Bitterness

Hebrews 2: 17 For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.

The past few months have been a struggle.  Once again me and my band of cohorts have run afoul of the bureaucracy that surrounds our work. I have taken this to heart, for I look upon my work as being a steward of the agency. I cannot help but to think that I have not been a good steward.  What my band of misfits needs protection from is the very thing that is occurring. 

          Along with being a steward, I am an advocate for those we support.  And in doing that advocacy, I have had the audacity to call into question the judgement of the bureaucracy.  Thus, we have been brought under scrutiny once again.  Not only is this truly not deserved, it is excessive, and the faults found are either embellished, or created. One such created fault was the claim that the agency did not have a specific document.  We had already submitted the document for  review a few years earlier, and if those people sent to examine our files had asked to see it, then we would have produced it.

      It is difficult to watch the agency I developed be demoralized, and slowly dismantled.  Even harder for me is watching people that I greatly respect be degraded through a series of surprise inspections. But even harder still is watching those people who we support be treated in this way. There is no acknowledgement that those we support will never look like the other clients, and the services will never look like the other services. 

          As mentioned in previous blog posts we take on those people other agencies will not take on.  I wish that was an exaggeration, but it is not. The sad outcome of the actions of the bureaucracy is that there is at least one of our guys who will die. He will not receive adequate housing, and given his health, and the wet winters we encounter, his lungs will be re-infected.  He almost did not survive last winter – he spent several days in ICU and several weeks in hospital. Several others will be left without services, and one of our men will more than likely be returned to jail.  I wish that this was hyperbole, but again it is not.

           

          The entire situation is beyond frustrating. I know that there has been at least two meetings to discuss the agency, and our future.  That the futures of forty some odd people are being decided with no conversation with those effected by the decision is maddening.

          In a conversations with a few of my cohorts it was discussed that perhaps there really is no interest in providing services to those we support.  After all, it will be those people who pay the ultimate price. 

The last time I was in church for communion I could not bring myself to partake.  I connected with the violence visited upon Christ.  I have had enough of violence.  It seemed odd, as it always has, to celebrate the murder of Christ.  I know that we are invited to drink of this cup, and eat of this bread, but that day the recalling of the violence left me not willing to participate.  

If the worst were to occur, truly, it would mean an early retirement for me. Wanna and I have talked of running a coffee shop in Lamphun – about half an hour outside of Chaing Mai. I also know that if there was any hope of remaining in business I would. Maybe this is the means by which I retire?

I believe that the response to such situations in life for Christians is to seek our identity in Christ.  We are called to see Christ in the suffering of others.  Thus, we are told “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat…”  But I believe, we are also called to identify with Christ in our own suffering.

          It was with this in mind that I reflected on my experience in church, deciding not to partake in communion.  I realize that my experience, will ultimately, make me more compassionate.  As if that is the gift I want. As I thought about this, I found myself praying that this cup pass by me.  I was struck with the irony of that – the same prayer Christ made the night before his execution.

          As I write this, I wonder, was he tempted to be angry with God? Was he angry with God? It is easy to see why his question, “My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?” is understood to be a question separate from the Psalm.  But I wonder. My emotions have a life of their own, did his?

140. Praying for Assholes

Praying for Assholes

Luke 6:27 & 28 "But to you who are listening, I say love your enemies, do good to those that hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you."

I am sure that if you are reading this, you will know at least a couple of assholes. The kind of people that will want to create difficulties for you; just because they like to do so. Whether it be for personal entertainment, or some other hidden agenda, or just because they are miserable and cannot stand the idea that others are successful and happy. Assholes. Sorry for the foul language, but truly, the word asshole seems so descriptive of these, well, you know.

     We live in a world that stresses vengeance. Do not let that person get away with doing that to you. We practice being ugly people with each other. Our marriages become areanas for competition. One of the women I am blessed to work with recently lost a close friend over a cigarette thown out a window. This was based on another person's desire to be ugly in the world.

     The bible talks about this kind of greed and competition. I believe the admonition of "an eye for an eye" is not a recipe for justice, but a limitation of vengeance. We live in a world that invites us to be bitter, angry and hostile. Paul writes of this in Romans, "They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife and deceit, and malice."

Then we have Jesus.

Reminding us about "an eye for an eye." But then he adds, "But I tell you."

His famous words. Gently telling us that we have it wrong. These are not easy words that follow. Not at all, easy.

I am dealing with an asshole as I write this.  Honestly, I think he is a waste of oxygen. And I have taken to praying for him frequently and regularly. And no, I do not pray that he gets what I think he deserves.  I pray that he might come to know love and peace. At times it is harder to pray for him than at other times.
     Do not think for a moment think that I am some sort of spiritual master. I pray for him for a number of reasons. One of them is that Jesus has told me to do so.  And I understand that if I saw him the way God sees him, then the context of what is happening changes.
     Honestly, I pray for him because I want to keep from what he creates in me from coming into my home, and my relationship with Wanna. I do not think it is possible to be loving and gentle with Wanna if I entertain fantasies of zap strapping the man to a chair and covering his head with paint remover.
     When I step back a bit, and put a bit of perspective on what he is up to, then I begin to realize that he must be miserable indeed. There are those who go into this field I work in, because it gives them the ability to fuck with others. I see it all the time. People who want to be telling others how to live their lives out. People who think they know what others should have, or not have, in their life. It is not even morally based, rather based on their own personal preferences.  It has given me a good idea of what life with pharisees might have been like.
     So I pray for him. At the end of the day, I am happy that I am I, and would not want to be that miserable asshole.

I also pray for myself.  I know that if I am angry, and spiteful, and ugly of spirit, then I am likely to miss all of what is offered to me. I do believe that what we focus on, is what we create in our lives. Not in that mystical, energy attracts energy kind of way. But in a very practical way.  If I am simply thinking about how awful the world is, then I am likely not to see the beautiful, the lovely, and the desirable. Praying for this asshole, allows me to see what is good in the world around me. 
     I end with - Finally, brothers and sisters. whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

139. Spaces

If you follow my posts then you owe a thanks to another lunch mate. He bugged me about writing again.

I owe a thanks for the basic concept of this blog to a friend of mine Chris Kinman. 

I decided it was time to get back to doing what I enjoy.  Writing.  So here goes.

My friend has a concept that he refers to as Striated Spaces versus Smooth Spaces.  If we look at our interaction with nature it becomes easy to understand.  Nature rarely has straight lines. The lines in nature tend to be curved, like rivers, forming smooth spaces. The spaces nature creates tend to be less than clearly defined.

          We on the other hand we like straight lines, like the grid system of streets in our cities. The prairies where I grew up is a study in striated versus smooth spaces.  The plains were rolling, with poorly defined spaces.  Then we come along, with our penchant for clearly defined boundaries, and our desire for order, and lay down grid lines of road and railways. 

          But what happened is that the life that flourished there needed to be exterminated.  Thus, an entire ecology that had taken millions of years to develop – grasses, grains, and animals – was destroyed to make way for, well….. different grasses, grains, and animals. 

          I was reminded of this in a powerful way this afternoon.  We are undergoing another review of our agency.  And we were discussing a gentleman that we support on the streets of Surrey.  He prefers to be homeless as he likes the autonomy that comes with it. We provide outreach services for him. Mostly, we administrate his funds, make sure he’s alive, and try to coordinate health services for him. 

          We were asked today what the schedule for meeting him was…

          Our answer is that the outreach worker goes out around lunch on the given day to see him, and if he is not there, she goes back later, and then even later if she misses him again. Some days it will be four times that she tries to find him. 

          We were told that we should be setting appointments to meet with him. If he misses those three consecutive appointments, then we have to report that there has been an occurrence.  After an undefined number of occurrences, then services would either be scaled back or cut. The system works when applied to someone with a home, and personal supports.

          It is the same thinking that will keep him homeless. He does not want traditional housing, and you would not to rent to him – he is a lot on the smelly side.  But, as the arrangement we have made does not fit into the straight lines that the funding body wants to put in place, he will not have a place to live.  Which, given his health will probably lead to him dying.  He is at increased risk of developing lung infections.  Him being homeless in the wet and cold will lead to him being re-infected. He almost died last winter of a lung infection.

We do the same with God.

We create ideas of what life in Christ is like.  And like most of the striated spaces I see, it is an attempt to control what occurs naturally.  To be fair to my fellow Christians, I saw this aspect during my sojourn into paganism.

          Paganism, which by definition resists definition and hard and fast rules, had many people who were legalistic in their approach to spirituality.  People struggled with trying to create credibility by claiming this or that authority, and thus telling you how to worship, and to live your faith. It was that aspect of paganism that led me to understand that what I found distasteful about Christianity had nothing to do with Christ and everything to do with us.

I find much of what we do in our lives tries to limit the power of God. We create striated spaces when he offers smooth spaces. We create boundaries that will keep him out, but as with the grasses, grains, and animals of the prairies, can the replacement be any better?

          At best, our attempt to enforce our will on others, and God, becomes toxic spirituality, for religion becomes competitive.  In our quest to prove that God loves me best, we leave little room for each other, and even less for God.

I hope that you find yourself opening to the smooth space and energy that I find in Christ. I pray this for myself.  For as we create religion we create hard and straight lines which, I believe, damages souls. Not that there is no defined spaces within spirituality, but they are not as clearly defined as I think they should be.