20. Salvation is an Inside Job

Revelations 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

What is it that Jesus wants?  At some point, I think, that question must be asked.  What does he want?  After all, he has taken a beating on my behalf.  (Just cause I don’t think God was the architect of his torture and death does not mean I don’t think I deserved it). He is offering me better accommodation in the afterlife than what I seemed to originally have reserved.

But what does he want from me?

Maybe it is the remnants of my fallen nature when I doubt the everything-for-nothing exchange.  After all, I do get the inconvenience I have caused him, well, as much as I can get it.  But really, what does he want?

Am I really free to get up from the Lord’s table and wander away and do whatever I want and in the end still not go to that nasty place that has been described as being filled with the gnashing of teeth, the biting of tongues, the wailing of sorrow and regret, and the eternal roasting of my flesh?

Have I not been ransomed from hell so that I can become one of his minions taking away the fun of others?  Have I not be conscripted into the army of heaven to wage battle with the forces of evil and darkness?

These are the questions that run through my mind when I lay awake at night after being elbowed in the head by Wanna.  These are the questions that make it tough to go back to sleep.  Should I divorce my wife, sell my house, and go to lower Mongolia to spread the gospel?  Should I take all my worldly wealth and go into the ghetto of some foreign or not-so foreign city and buy everyone lunch?

Is not the very least I can do, for the God who has done so much for me, is to stop having fun?

When I quiet my soul, okay, my out of control mind, the answer is a resounding “NO!”

Jesus wants to eat with me.  I get that.  I love having those I love over for dinner.  It is more than just ensuring that they eat well.  For our wedding Wanna and I had our guests come back to our home for dinner.  There is something about sharing a meal, especially inside one’s home that makes kindred out of each other.

Jesus simply wants to be with me, for me to experience the love and companionship that he always wanted to have with me, and you, and all of humanity.

I also think he wants me to love him, with all my heart, with all my mind, and all my strength.  I also think he wants me to love those around me.

I think he would like me to stop giving people the finger as I drive.

The rest, it seems to be what I want to do.  I want to tell you about the love that I have experienced.  I want to share in that love.  I find myself compelled, and I know a few things about compulsions, to give what has been so freely given to me.

I am of the ilk that believes that we are saved by grace alone.  I am aware of the discussion of justification by faith or works.  I do not think that the original authors presented those arguments as means of instilling a sense of either/or.  If I go out to the garden and the rose bush is barren of leaves and flowers and it is summer there is something wrong.  I side with Paul when he says, For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. (Eph 2:8) 

For me it boils down to what is Salvation?  There are many that believe, and I don’t think they are wrong, that Salvation is being rescued from the fiery pits of hell.  However, I think that rescue is secondary.  I think Salvation is primarily being restored into the relationship that God had intended for me.  As well, for my way of being to be transformed back to its intended innocence.

I agree with the Reformed Church, Calvinists, and the doctrine of Total Depravity.  There is not one aspect of my being that has not been affected by the fall in the Garden.  

I draw a parallel with the love I have for my wife and kid.  With my wife, whom I love dearly, I have a way of showing my love for her.  It is a natural response to the affection that I feel.  There are things I do, and there are things that I do not do, all out of the profound love that I have for her.  As for my kid, there are things that I do, that I would rather not do, all for the love of him.

Some of the spiritual growth I have had is simply my gratitude for Christ expressed in how I go about my daily life.  A new found generosity for others.  A desire not to be as confrontation and contentious as I have been in the past.  It is a natural expression of my love and affection for Christ.

The other aspect of my spiritual growth, my salvation is simply maturing in the Lord.  That which I have found I wanted, needed, liked to do previously simply seems stupid and petty.  Thus, I am not as likely to pout in the bathroom for as long.

Yet, other growth, change and development is the Holy Spirit running amok inside me.  I credit my abstinence from drugs and alcohol to the work of the Holy Spirit within me.