59. Being anxious

Philippians 4:6 & 7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We will come back to the law and the fulfillment of it, in another blog post.  Right now, my mind races and I feel overwhelmed and anxious.  AA has a saying “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems.”  A cousin of mine says that it must have been a very good day indeed when the author wrote those words.

          The “review” of my company has taken a most serious and somewhat sinister turn.  I will not go into the details, but the response to the irregularities within the company are seen as a reason to close the company.  There are those who know that such irregularities can be found within every agency, and that they are not as serious as presented.  But, the review has made life a struggle.

          I really resist the idea that in God all things happen for a reason.  It sets up a rather nasty conversation that I really do not want to have. If indeed, all things happen for a reason, then why is there so much tragedy.  Most people who I ask that question quick do a mental sleight of hand and state that we live in a fallen world, and thus sin abounds and bad things happen.  So I do not see the hand of God in what is going on, and resent that many people are left feeling anxious and bothered.

          The verse most people use to justify the idea that all things happen for a reason is Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Need I remind you, that we worship God, who did not spare his only begotten son a torturous death.  I am also aware that one of the authors of the verse from Philippians was stoned to death while the other was beheaded.  There are times that God’s working things for the good of those who love him, lacks a certain gentility.

          But I do believe that whatever befalls us, whatever kind of tragedy visits our lives, God can and will use that to the betterment of the world around us and ourselves.  However, I cannot help but to desire to be one of those from whom the circumstances in which this working of God’s good grace arises out of is wealth.

          I know God sees a more distant horizon than I, and that which troubles my mind and soul now will one day, and not that far away, be distant memories.  Tonight as I write, there is a sense of claustrophobia that blankets me.  It is hard to see any horizon in the fog of fear and anxiety that has descended on me.  As I said earlier in my writing, I am overwhelmed.

          Part of me believes that what I am going through will in time allow me a deeper level of love and compassion for someone else.  But I also think I am pretty good in that department, it is not like I need what is going on in order to make me better able to relate to others.

          In the midst of this, I have been asked if I would be interested in being involved with a project that works with long term prisoners.  In the midst of my discouragement comes a request to be involved in the lives of others.  Within this new opportunity comes means to continue to support my family.  So, within my current struggles I see God working towards the good of others.

         

          I am also told to “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.” Phil 4:4.  It also says – “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” (4:5) This written by two guys whose sense of claustrophobia and impending doom were likely more pronounced and intense than mine.  And thus, I am challenged, to look at what I have to be grateful for within my life. And before I am finished writing, I am expressing gratefulness for what I possess in my life.

          So I will go forth from here, rejoicing.  And as I do I come to be aware that perhaps, the good that is being worked will be in the one who sees herself as my adversary.  Perhaps it is gentleness that will have her come to understand that those who show up to care may not always look like she wants them to.