66. Their Names

Their names are:

Cheung Yuan Hong

George Chen

Weihan Wang

Katherine Cooper

Veronika Weiss

Christopher Michael-Martinez

Six young people who have lost their lives in Santa Barbara.  Two of the killer’s roommates and their friend were stabbed.  Three others were shot.  And the cause of this tragedy?  The killer could not get laid.

The news has been full of the events of last weekend in Santa Barbara, and it makes for good dramatic television.  The young man suffering from mental health issues, the parents were concerned about him and then finally the dramatic climax.  The parents, having watched the man’s You Tube posting, rush to Santa Barbara to get help for their son, but it was too late.  On the way to intervene, their son began killing, they knew from the radio reports.

We know his name, some of us will know his parent’s names, but very few know the victim’s names, if they are posted it is usually in the midst of an article.  But these six people lost their lives for no other purpose than the killer could not get laid.  I know that I am over-simplifying the dynamics, but the killer identified that women did not want to date him.

Underneath this I see a motive that is deeply troubling.  There is the assumption that women are made for men’s gratification.  I am a member of a faith that supports this belief.  The creation myth has that woman, Eve, was made so that man, Adam, would not be alone.  I believe the creation story in Genesis is a fable, an attempt to point to greater truths, not an accurate rendering of events.  Thus, in a male dominated society, a myth that the woman was made of the same material as the man, and made for his companionship, may have been a radical concept. 

Unfortunately, the attitude of women being made for the enjoyment of men persists.  I cannot help but believe such an attitude underpins the doctrine of complementarianism - the idea a woman's role is different and complementary to a man's role.  Sometimes it is more subtle than other times, but it is always there and always vulgar.  Recently a Christian celebrity was offered the opportunity to comment on the sinfulness of our culture.  He reduced it to the problem of homosexuality, and in doing so reduced women to being the simple possessors of vaginas; the preferred orifice for sex. 

There has been much ensuing conversation and coverage of this shooting.  There has been the focus of the drama of a family knowing that their son was mentally ill.  The last ditch attempt to help him, and avert this violence.  There has not been as much coverage of the people who have died.  There is a link at the bottom of this entry so that you may get to know somewhat who these people had been.

The coverage seems, at least to me, an attempt to put some distance between us and the killer.  I see it as an attempt to impose order on chaos, or reducing the aspect of chance in our lives.  I also see our hope that he is not like us, that he does not share our values and our ethics.  In other words I see an attempt to prove he does not reflect our attitudes.

“I know I would never do such as thing,” is the comfortable story that we tell ourselves.  It is true, most of us will not commit such an act.  But, do we participate?

I am not talking, actually writing, about directly assisting, or helping, but do we contribute to the attitudes and culture that encourages violence against women?  If that is too challenging a statement, consider that mothers still have the safety talks with their daughters.

“Do not go out at night alone.”

 “Keep the car doors locked when you are driving.”

 “Sit by the bus driver at night.”

 “Never leave your drink unattended.”

How do you contribute?  That is the question that I ask today, I ask mostly of myself, but if you’re reading this you might as well join in.  I hope and pray that my relationship to my wife is respectful enough that our kid gets the message that women are to be respected.  That violence, of any kind, is intolerable. 

As a Christian, do I really pay attention to the fact it was within a woman’s body that Christ was carried for nine months?  Am I mindful of the fact that it was women who came to care for his body when he was dead?  Or that when he was still alive women tended to him?  Am I mindful that it was a woman to whom he first appeared after the resurrection?

As a Christian, do I really, really, understand that I am part of the Bride of Christ?  A curious position, to consider myself as a part of a feminine collective. 

The challenge in this story is to see myself in the man who killed.  To see my commonality with him, so that I may be a better person – husband and father, a better example to those around me. 

For those of you who want to know more about the victims:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/victims-of-santa-barbara-shooting-stabbing-spree-remembered/

65. Spiritually Non-productive Chatter

The three of us get together most Wednesdays. Okay, often on Wednesdays. There have been way too many times that responsibilities have dragged me away as of late.  We talk about our lives, our struggles, tell off colour and bad jokes to each other, laugh, share memories of weird and stupid stuff we have done.  There is really nothing off limits, and I mean very little is not considered in our conversations.

Our theology can be obscure, and strange and even weird.

         

At the end of our time we ask how we can support each other in prayer.  It is my small group.  We have had people come and join us, only to move on to other endeavours.

It reminds me of an earlier time.

Since I got my first year clean, I have always been an old timer in the twelve step fellowship that saved me.  With being an old timer comes some respect, maybe even reverence.  Old timers are seen somewhat like the holders of the “knowledge.”  It always kinda of grated on me.

One day some of us “Old Timers” were getting together for breakfast.  The four of us would often get together down at Hamburger Mary’s on a Saturday morning. I invited a friend of mine along.  After breakfast he explained to me that he had been thrilled to get such an invite, it was almost like being asked into the inner sanctum.  He expected deep spiritual insights to be offered by the four of us who were the “Old Timers.”

Instead, of deep wisdom he got profound foolishness.  One of us did the old man walk pulling his pants up to his nipples and doing the Tim Conway shuffle on the sidewalk.  We told off colour jokes, teased each other, and generally acted like fools.  It is the kind of exuberance one experiences in the moment, the moment of gratitude that one is still alive and able to be ridiculous.

There was no profound sharing of our personal tragedies, or insights of recovery, or wisdom from having worked the steps.  What he saw, he explained, was these four old timers being silly.  Therein he saw the wisdom, the profound insight.  That we have taken what had been so freely given, and were using it to the fullest.

These three other men, the four of us, had at other times shared some of the most profound moments of our lives with each other.  Moments of intense shame, moments of anger, moments of grief and sadness – moments when we realized there were events and times that we could never take back no matter much we wanted to.  We also shared intense joy and happiness.

In the twelve steps I am taught that the more I can get out of my way, the more God can come in.  But it is not a solitary experience, it is always, always, with someone else.  So in our humour there was light found in the darkest corners of our lives.  And with humour came healing.

What seemed like spiritually non-productive chatter, was intensely healing. 

My small group on Wednesdays carries less intensity.  I have yet to see someone get up and move to another table because of us.  There is not the same sense of urgency in our lives.  None of us need to strip away the veneer and show the ugliness and confusion that lay underneath.  But, from the outside it may look like the same spiritually non-productive chatter.

For me, it is like coming home.  I think of Jesus as God, for he is, but I also think of him as human.  So I get to talk about whether Jesus told fart jokes.  Did he ever walk up to Peter and say, “Hey, Pete pull my finger!”

It has been the place where I have eeked out a place for me in the church.  It is where I asked Pastor Dan if he could explain Penal Substitution and not sound like he was doing a Monty Python skit.  It is where I have been able to express doubts about my faith, and the church, and bible, and God.  It has been the place where I have laughed.

There is the same sense of humour, maybe a little more tempered, and Pastor Dan has yet to pull his pants up to his nipples and wander around the coffee shop.  But it is there, and the healing and lightness that it brings, at least to my soul, has been healing. 

It also brings to mind, those earlier more insanely intense days. 

It think we get caught up in being productive.  But my God, or at least as I understand him, still travels in humour and laughter carries his light.

64. Trudging

Hebrews 12:1 – 3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

It is has been a while since I have posted.  If you are one of the people that do follow along and look forward to when I do post – my apologies.

I have started a number of entries.  All of them, three I think, remain unfinished.

I have been coasting.  I know within our Christian tradition which stresses cathartic moments and peak experiences of spiritual ecstasy that the concept of coasting is not well accepted.  Oh well.

It has been an exhausting period of time for me.  The review of my company, which understandably is experienced as very personal, was an ordeal.  With the review finished I find myself managing my company with a lacklustre enthusiasm.  Most days I only want to complete my To-Do list and then go watch TV.

But there seems to be no rest for the, um, righteous (?). No sooner have me and my cohorts passed the review, then we are managing another controversy.  An agency with which we are to work collaboratively with, have been anything but collaborative.  In fact, they have been down right rude and dismissive with us.

Two weeks ago, I spent a morning meeting regarding the other agency.  That afternoon I came home, wrote a letter of concern, and then went to bed.  It has taken that kind of effort.

As for my faith? I pray, it is how I pass the time while I am driving. I am not studying scripture.  And the small group that I attend is filled with spiritually non-productive chatter.  It has been easier to lay in bed and cuddle Wanna than it has been to go to church. 

There was the Sunday when I had to attend one of the homes that I oversee, as one of the neighbours got drunk and started arguing with the cognitively challenged men that live in the house.  There was some comic relief offered by the description of events by the other neighbours.

But really, my walk has been putting one foot in front of the other.  If we could long board our journey through faith I would.  Life is a struggle these days.  It has been my nature to always believe in God, so there is no concern for me that I lapse into unbelief.

I would not blame you for not seeing the victory in coasting, in simply putting in time, but there is victory.  For me, that is where the growth lies.  AA talks about trudging the road of happy destiny.  Faith is strengthened by coming through times like these remaining intact.  There is much to be said by simply putting in one day at a time. 

It is trusting that there will come a time when the excitement of my calling returns.  It is trusting that if I simply put one foot in front of the other, regardless of how unenthusiastically, I will continue to be of service.  It is believing that what I feel called to do, the work that my cohorts and I do, is worth the effort.

I don’t know if I have been inspiring in this post or not.  But just thought I would let you know what is happening.