64. Trudging

Hebrews 12:1 – 3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

It is has been a while since I have posted.  If you are one of the people that do follow along and look forward to when I do post – my apologies.

I have started a number of entries.  All of them, three I think, remain unfinished.

I have been coasting.  I know within our Christian tradition which stresses cathartic moments and peak experiences of spiritual ecstasy that the concept of coasting is not well accepted.  Oh well.

It has been an exhausting period of time for me.  The review of my company, which understandably is experienced as very personal, was an ordeal.  With the review finished I find myself managing my company with a lacklustre enthusiasm.  Most days I only want to complete my To-Do list and then go watch TV.

But there seems to be no rest for the, um, righteous (?). No sooner have me and my cohorts passed the review, then we are managing another controversy.  An agency with which we are to work collaboratively with, have been anything but collaborative.  In fact, they have been down right rude and dismissive with us.

Two weeks ago, I spent a morning meeting regarding the other agency.  That afternoon I came home, wrote a letter of concern, and then went to bed.  It has taken that kind of effort.

As for my faith? I pray, it is how I pass the time while I am driving. I am not studying scripture.  And the small group that I attend is filled with spiritually non-productive chatter.  It has been easier to lay in bed and cuddle Wanna than it has been to go to church. 

There was the Sunday when I had to attend one of the homes that I oversee, as one of the neighbours got drunk and started arguing with the cognitively challenged men that live in the house.  There was some comic relief offered by the description of events by the other neighbours.

But really, my walk has been putting one foot in front of the other.  If we could long board our journey through faith I would.  Life is a struggle these days.  It has been my nature to always believe in God, so there is no concern for me that I lapse into unbelief.

I would not blame you for not seeing the victory in coasting, in simply putting in time, but there is victory.  For me, that is where the growth lies.  AA talks about trudging the road of happy destiny.  Faith is strengthened by coming through times like these remaining intact.  There is much to be said by simply putting in one day at a time. 

It is trusting that there will come a time when the excitement of my calling returns.  It is trusting that if I simply put one foot in front of the other, regardless of how unenthusiastically, I will continue to be of service.  It is believing that what I feel called to do, the work that my cohorts and I do, is worth the effort.

I don’t know if I have been inspiring in this post or not.  But just thought I would let you know what is happening.