63. Devout

It was odd the other day, I was talking with my friends, one of whom is the pastor of my church, and I said that I was a devout Christian.  My pastor said, “That is the first time that I have heard you describe yourself as that, you seem to be the anti-christian Christian.”

          It was not an insult or rebuke but an honest observation.  I have never thought of myself as the Anti-christian Christian, but I think it fits.  Whether it be a mixture of my experience in life and questionable mental health and my incessant need to poke the eye of conformity; I love Christ, but detest what we do when we get together.  I feel about church the same way that I feel about Strata Councils, Service Committees, and mobs of villagers armed with torches and pitch forks. My most positive experience with groups of people is from twelve step community.  They have a set of principles that are used to guide how they are with each other.  Even then I still remember the time that a friend of mine, a small woman, during a committee meeting crawled over the table to strangle the member sitting on the other side of the table. So let’s be clear, it is the twisted stuff we come up with as we gather, not the initial idea.  It is not Christ, but the twist of my soul that happens as I want to make you worship him as I do.

          We live in a consumer culture, where everything is prepackaged and disposable; our food, our entertainment, our work, many of our relationships and I think our spirituality.  I cannot and will not speak for earlier times, for not only did I not know such times, I also know that I would only reference them with a romantic sense of nostalgia that could never actually be mine.  These days I know that churches talk about “Branding” themselves, and providing an experience, all of which leads to this idea that somehow if we are popular we are right.  Thus, churches become little more than theatres not communities, and we are encouraged to be passive in our faith.

          Thus, I get how someone would see me as the Anti-Christian Christian.  That, and I do accuse us of abandoning compassion and intelligence as we claim our faith.  And while I am at it, we do a piss poor job of promoting the Love and Grace of our Lord.  Yet, I do see myself as devout in my faith.

Matthew 16:15 “But what about you?” he (Jesus) asked. “Who do you say I am?”

In my life I do not think that Jesus cares what my pastor thinks, what your beliefs are, what is popular or the beliefs of anyone else.  I believe that I am called to a relationship with God, and that part of that is developing an understanding of God.  I am asked, “But you, Drew, who do you say that I am?”

          I believe that a number of doctrines that are seen as central to our faith are indeed wrong.  One of the most pivotal of these doctrines is the crucifixion of Christ.  One of the central doctrines for many Christians is that Jesus took our place on the cross.  To this extent I agree with the doctrine of penal substitution.  Where I depart from this doctrine is just who put him up there?  I believe that it was our own sense of guilt and shame that led to the sacrifice of Christ.  Thus, I realize that if we must put me in one basket or another, I would be Christus Victor.

          So this in the weekend when we observe the events of the cross and resurrection one might wonder, what does this hold for me?  If Christ’s death on the cross is not demanded by the wrath of God but rather our own fear of death and punishment and our sending someone or something else to take it for us, then what is the significance of the weekend?

          For me, my appreciation of the display of love and grace on the cross seems to deepen. It is ridiculously radical hospitality, an act of God reaching out to us.  And, when the bread and wine are handed to me, my hands seem more soiled from his execution. I am more bothered by the entire affair.  And in many ways I am left examining myself for how I still demand the death of Christ.  But for me that is the point, to take what has happened and make it personal. 

          I would urge you to do the same, to take time during this weekend and reflect on the events of the cross and the resurrection.  Why did what happened, happen? More importantly, what is the response that is asked of you?  Not the response your pastor, or your spouse, or your friend, or your whatever, says that is demanded of you.  What is the response that you feel is being called from within you?

           Being devout, means that I am passionate about what I believe, that I have taken this matter, and others to heart.  I ask you to join me in doing this.  I don't care if we agree, in fact if we disagree I think it increases the likelihood that God has moved within us, for our experiences have become more personalized. I also think being devout allows me to listen more fully to you.