Romans 12:2 - Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Marriage – if done
properly is a decision to put someone else ahead of us. While not quite abusive, it is a much
different concept than those that would have us place ourselves first in our
lives. Marriage doesn’t work
otherwise. It is not even
fifty-fifty. It requires both partners
to submit, and I think not to one another, but to the marriage, to the family,
the home.
Home is not a place where one puts
their feet up and let it all hang out. I
think it should be the one place where we are on are best behaviour; that I am most
mannerly, and considerate, and conscientious of those who live with me. I was raised in a home where the people were
so much different when they were out in the world, and not it a good way, home was
not a refuge nor a sanctuary. Home was
where they came to take, not give.
I am not recommending that one abandon
oneself to abuse, neglect or ill treatment. But marriage is not a “What’s in it
for me?” relationship; If the other person is not playing the same game as you
then that needs to be addressed.
Mark 9:35 - Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant
of all.”
In many ways I
think marriage epitomizes the Christian faith.
At least in how we are called to be in the world. Our Christian faith calls us into a life of
servitude.
Do we really take the Gospel
seriously? When I read it, I do not so much read the offer of salvation from
punishment eternal or otherwise, but rather I see an offer of salvation from
the insanity of this world. That
insanity, our fallen nature, is the me-first attitude. So much of world, our love, beauty and peace
is destroyed by this me-first attitude.
For me the ninth chapter of Mark
illustrates our struggle and who we are called to be so clearly. The chapter begins with Jesus having the full
Glory of God made manifest in him. To me
it would have been one of those, pee myself in awe moments, and I think should
have left the apostles speechless for the next few weeks. But instead they get arguing about who is
most important – how much like us. Their
response to God is the me-first attitude.
Jesus stops this dialogue and
repeatedly say, “Hey! It is not about who
is the most important, it is about who is of most service.”
My involvement
with twelve step programs has taught me the “Let it begin with me” philosophy,
this turns the me-first attitude on its head.
Let me be the first to apologize, let me be the first to help, let me be
the first to set things right. It
teaches me that in all things I must apply my faith, or belief, thus the
“Practices these principles in all my affairs.”
Thus, faith is an inconvenience. I am drawn out of my life and into the lives
of others. I am taught that if I want to
see Jesus, to look for him in those less fortunate than ourselves
“For
I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me
something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and
you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”
A
friend of mine celebrated 30 years of recovery last night. We had decided
before hand that I would also celebrate the achieving of 30 years of continuous
abstinence. My thirty year mark was last
November. The best laid plans, became
convoluted and confused and in short it was inconvenient to go over to Naniamo
to join this friend in celebrating 30 years.
And yes it was good to see my friend celebrate thirty years, and yes it
was good to see the associated friends, many of who I have not seen in many years,
but it was not worth the inconvenience.
As I was asked to talk and reflect on
my experience in being drug free, I talked of my struggles. It has never been an issue to stay away from
drugs, in all the thirty years I may have had two or three cravings that were
note worthy. My struggle in living drug
free has been in living. I have had
obsessions and compulsions to kill myself that even now, some twenty five years
later, make me cringe. So I talked about
recovery and mental health and suicide.
At the end of meeting there were the
usual congratulations, and comments of good talk. And then I met Steve from Ladysmith, not his
name not his town, who was crying. Steve
suffers from PTSD and anxiety and addiction and has not found much in the way
of support or understanding in the fellowship.
But he did this night. He thanked
me for talking about my struggles, and that he had found new hope.
There were probably half a dozen
people at the meeting last night that could have given the same message. They haven’t.
Nor would they have the legitimacy or authority that is assumed with
three decades of recovery. But I could,
and did. If the bit of inconvenience that
I have gone through has allowed Steve a better chance of being clean and alive,
then it was worth it. It is even worth
having the more than slightly annoyed wife.
She may not understand, and I will try to explain it to her, faith is
not a matter of convenience.
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