113. Falling into the hands of the Living God

Hebrews 10:31 It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

There is a story that on Yom Kippur, as the priest readied to go into the Holy of Holies the other priests would tie a rope around his ankle or waist. This was so that if entering the presence of God killed the man, they could drag his body out.  It is a better image than I have of God pitching the dead man back through the curtain and yelling, “Next!”

          There is no historical accuracy to this story, but as with all stories, I think it contains a kernel of truth. I would think that the story developed out of the idea of what being in the presence of the living God would be like, and that it would be life altering, if not threatening. 

          We are called to have the presence of the Living God come into our lives.  I understand why I, and others, seek to limit the effects of that exposure.  For me, there has always been a level of distrust and desire to live my life out as I want to live it out.  There is resistance to the idea of letting go and letting God.

         

So here is the pivotal question of faith.  At least for me. And yes, you can find scriptures that support either argument.  But the question is; are we called into relationship with God because we are disobedient and are in need of correction? Or, are we called into relationship with him because we need healing?

I think of the parable of the prodigal son.  Let’s call the prodigal son, Tom.  And Tom, was not prodigal, he was selfish.  Most of us cannot appreciate the level of disrespect that Tom showed towards his father.  It was truly insulting.  And remember, this was within a culture that at one point would take such a disrespectful son and the men of the town would stone him to death. (Deut. 21:18 – 21)  But not so this father, he gives Tom what he wants, then Tom takes off.

          We know in the parable what occurs with Tom.  He goes off and blows his money on wine, women, and song.  Then Tom, being broke and alone, hires himself out as a slave.  But I wonder what the father’s experience was like?  How often did he think of Tom?  Were there sleepless nights?  We get a glimpse of what the father must have gone through as the parable is told.

          When Tom was still a far distance off, the father saw him.  How often did the dad look out into the distance to see if his son was returning? For the dad runs out to meet Tom.  He is overjoyed at Tom’s return.

          It is not the image of a father angry and waiting to seek vengeance on Tom and his disobedience.  The dad did not grab Tom and yell at him.  Tom is embraced and welcomed back with open arms and a celebration.  The story ends there, but I get the sense that Tom’s acceptance back home continued to be a joyous event.

I can relate to Tom, and at times I had chats with God when I told him to leave me alone.  Those chats came from an understanding of God that was toxic.  My belief, I am reluctant to call it faith, was based on fear, and trauma.  The world around me was chaotic, and abusive.  The idea that I had this life to enjoy before I was sent off to suffer for an eternity, seemed to be legitimate.

          And like Tom, the prodigal son, it was only when I was destitute that I sought out God.  I did that only because I was told that the recovery from my addiction lay in a relationship with God.  It was only through that surrender that I have come to know God for who he or she is.

While my understanding of God has changed drastically over the years, it has not really been a dreadful thing.  It has been a process whereby the less guarded I become, the more I experience God’s love and grace.  And as I experience more of God’s love and grace, the less guarded I feel I have to be. 

          In coming to God, we do need to be prepared to have our lives changed.  Sometimes it is drastic, sometimes for souls such as myself, it is gentle but persistent.  But always, entering the presence of the living God is life altering.