When I last I wrote, I
wrote on confronting a temptation within my life. Again, I come back to that the temptation was
selfish and self-centred in nature. And
I overcame that temptation, as I did other temptations in my life. And it was
through a holy alliance.
My sobriety is a miracle.
What makes it miraculous is that there is that awesome mix of God’s
grace, my desire, God’s healing love, and my putting one foot in front of the
other. Prayerfully, I put in my time,
one day at a time for months. There were
times that I would make it to ninety days, then other times, not so long.
It was the meeting of my will, and my decision, and god’s
grace and healing. I stayed clean one
day at a time. I went to meetings. I prayed.
I read the literature. I worked
the steps. I helped set meetings
up. I made coffee. I put the tables and chairs away. I talked with people, went for coffee. Each a small step in obedience. Each an opening for God’s grace.
Over time, my obsession passed. I have heard it suggested that the opposite
of addiction is not abstinence, but belonging.
This makes sense to me, for it was in addiction that I was separated
from those people around me and from God.
So in taking those small steps; I became a member of something larger
than myself.
Over time, as the obsession passed, I began to understand
the nature of that obsession. That
although it was an obsession of self - and addiction is always a ‘what about
me?’ disease – it was also incredibly destructive.
So, we come to these
days...
I think that spirituality
is about doing the next right thing. It
is not lived on the grand scale. That is
not to say that we cannot have big dreams of what we are called to do. But however great our calling, it comes down
to doing the next right thing.
The realm of Christianity is full of those who seem to have
forgotten this. Preachers who have
become enamoured with themselves, and the greater glory of God they are
fulfilling. And yet, they fail miserably
at doing what I think we are called to be – decent human beings. It seems left on the wayside, that it is our
actions that speak louder than our words.
As I read scripture, how we are in the word seems to be
much more important than anything else we might do.
1 Cor. 13:1 – 4 If I
speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a
resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can
fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move
mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the
poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love,
I gain nothing.
So obedience in my
life? It is the day to day decisions of
how I go through life, and I do not see an area that is not included. Decisions such as where do I buy my
clothes? Do I buy at the place that
creates sweat shops, or do I realize that the price of such cheap clothes is
too much for this world? How do I treat
the people that I come into contact with through the day? How will I be as a boss? A husband?
A father? A member of my
community? A member of my church? How will I do whatever I am doing at that
moment?
This approach may seem odd.
But what I realize is that there are no meaningless moments. And that is not meant to pressure you, or me,
but it is to realize that each moment is an unfolding of grace in my life.
So I think back to earlier
times, when I was first sober. There were no inconsequential moments. There was a desperation of escaping a life of
torment. Maybe it is maturity, maybe it
is complacency, but that level of intensity has passed.
Yet, I know that the same magic, the same miracle that I
experienced in my first days clean, is still happening. My Christianity is not a self-improvement
course, and my righteousness is not a possession, and my obedience is always
reduced to what I am doing and who is in front of me, and how I am going to be
in the world. And therein lies the holy alliance between me and god, and therein lies the miraculous.
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