It has been another week of racially charged violence in the states. A black motorist shot and killed by police responding to another call, that came across his car which had broken down. A protester shot point blank in the head with a rubber bullet. There were more, but I think you get the idea. And I am thankful that I am in Canada. Comfortable, cozy Vancouver where racism seems to have abated.
Sure, we had residential schools, as late as the mid-nineties, and the Komagata Maru incident. But we were the land of freedom, the end of the line for the underground railway. And now Vancouver is an ethnically diverse city - which makes for great dining. I attend a predominantly Chinese church, and do so because of the teaching from the pulpit, the group of people, not as an expression of my new found openness to ethnic diversity.
I think it came as a surprise to my friend and pastor that I at one time had been explicitly racist. I never burned a cross or such, but I was pretty selective in who came into my life. Sure, I tolerated different cultures, but they could stay more than a few steps away - which is why I find the concept of tolerance so sinister. One tolerates that which is objectionable; human beings should not be subjected to being tolerated. But that was a life time ago, and through healing and love and acceptance I am less racist than what I once was. The question, as I have heard it put, is not am I racist, but how am I racist? You can feel free to ask yourself that question too.
Like I said, I like the comfort that this racial violence happening elsewhere affords me. There seems to be no urgency in addressing the remnants of hatred. After all, I am no longer the problem. Or am I?
The tolerance I give these days are to those who are racist. It is not just us white folk that engage in it. I tolerate it by not wanting to rock the boat, by letting comments, and attitudes pass because I do not want to really confront the issue.
For to confront racist ideology, and I am writing about my racism, I know that I would have to question my involvement in church and in fact all of Christianity; and I am not sure I am quite there yet. I fear that once again I would distance myself from the organized religion, the institution, of Christ. The question that lays in wait, is am I willing to support an institution that is explicitly racist by keeping involved in it. I refer to the larger body of believers. Is it really for our own comfort that we join to worship and be Christ’s presence here on earth, with our own kind? Is that comfort based on not having the discomfort of having to deal with a group who is different from us?
I don’t know.
My own little church I see as being a seed. Pastor Dan has gently broached the subject of race on a few occasions. It is odd to see a Chinese person address racism in a group of people that my people would send into tunnels with dynamite because it was too dangerous for white people. Yet, in conversation with some of those within my congregation I see the same ignorance.
So, by attending church, do I support an institution that discriminates? Or is my presence there the start of a shift? I know that within my little congregation that I have called bullshit on a few occasions. I imagine there will be more. Do I really serve as an example and thus do good?
It is little comfort that my God had little tolerance for bullshit. What I want in church is a refuge from the world I am in everyday. I am seeking a gentle yoke. I fear the yoke that is being offered is another cross. And yes, in case you are wondering, at least in my opinion, the larger body of the church is quite racist. In fact, in popular Christianity I see one of the last refuges for racism.
This blog is not the seeking of answers. I know that there are no easy answers. In the conversation with my friend and pastor this week we discussed when, not if, and how the conversation of race needs to happen. When it does, I will be a willing participant. I also hope that the conversation leads to more development of our church and its role in the world around us, and the nature of our worship.
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