Sunday, 3 November 2013

42. Hell Girl Revisited

1 John 4:11 – 12 “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”

A number of weeks ago I posted about a woman with a particular dislike of me.  And it has been a challenge to say the least.  The challenge, as I am being honest, it that at a very fundamental level I like being angry.  Be it an addiction, trying to claim power, or just wanting to feel strong; I like being angry.

          Most days I live in victory over this, I am able to go about my day without having an edge or an attitude.  But it remains my fallback position.  I have my stories to justify why, and they are good stories at that.  But!      I have a spirituality that is grounded in AA.  Which tell me the following:

          It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.  To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while.  But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance of and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.  We found that it is fatal. For when harbouring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the (Holy) Spirit.
(Holy is my addition)

Now it is not like I am going to get sick and either drink or use because of this situation.  But, my anger has separated me from God.  It has also taken me away from the moments with Wanna – any of you who now how sweet she is knows what a waste it is to be denied that time.  It has denied me time with Jo EEE my kid.
         
          My desire to be angry with this situation, and it a desire, seemed to me to hold dangers for me.  There are number of reactions that one could have, and I am sure that most of us at some point would experience frustration and anger, but there are different ways of being with this situation.  So I sought to do something other than hate this woman and be angry.  I am not so evolved that I am able to love her, I do pray her, but I do not love her.  At most I have been able to be indifferent to her, a start.
         
          So, I set about to Let Go and Let God.  The idea being to let go of trying to control the situation, and let God move things to where they should be.  The catch with this concept for me has always been, the should be.  I am still paranoid about being sent to Nepal to preach the gospel to the unsaved hamsters.  So I did just that -  Let Go and Let God.  I prayed for the situation, and set about doing what I do best. 

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

It is not like all of a sudden things changed.  It is not like the woman woke up one morning and said, “Boy have I been mean to that nice man.”

          In fact in many ways the situation has continued.  There have been more discussion about me, and no I do not agree that any publicity is good publicity.  But, me and my cohorts have continued to do what we do best. 

          Then this week, was my annual review.  Now, don’t get confused that my annual review came ten months after I started.  But I was summoned with my files to a meeting to have those files and the agency practices reviewed.  Now, the person the reviewing is one of those that support my agency, those that actually provide the direct care to these men and woman (we have only one right now).

          As this review happened I was in the midst of a crisis.  This crisis was not of our, or my, own making.  Another agency, larger and more established, had dropped the ball with one of their people being supported.  The man, and his dog, and his belongings needed to be moved by noon of that day.  So, while the agency is being reviewed on paper, three of this agencies workers got to see the agency in action.

          They saw one person manage the dog, another get the man, and a third get the belongings – he had furniture.  They got to see what we as an agency do best.  By the end of business that day, not only had we managed a crisis, but we had developed a long term plan for the continued support and care of this man.

          Now one could say that this was just happy coincidence, and maybe it was.  But, my faith had me concentrating on what I needed to do, so that when the opportunity arose, I and those who work with me, were able to show case our strengths.  In that moment, we were able to show why we as an agency are so valuable.

          Oh, and the dog.  His name is Cody – there is no requirement for confidentiality for pets – was identified as being aggressive.  And at first he was a bit distraught, as his human buddy was distraught.  As I said good bye to the man, I got a kiss from the aggressive German Shephard.


Ephesians 4:31 & 32  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

No comments:

Post a Comment