So last post I
began writing about how my depression has created opportunities for God’s
grace, and teaching. If I maintain that
God can use any situation to further his grace, and love, then I should apply this to my
life. I liken depression to living
within a gray-scale world – everything is just a varied shade of gray. This is not as exciting about a recent
literary success that had fifty shades. This
is a continuation of that writing....
Hebrews 12:7
& 8 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For
what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not
disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not
true sons and daughters at all.
There have been
times with my depression that I have wondered what I have done to bring this
on. Is depression punishment from
God? What was it that God wanted me to
understand? What was it that God wanted
me to change? Those days, mostly in my
teenage years, and mostly in my addiction were excruciating. I know about separation from God, as my
depression has often left me unable to feel the love of others, as well as the
love of God. As I sitting writing, I
recall feeling hopelessly lost, and condemned.
I am not sure what the discipline of
God would be, and honestly, I don’t know if I have experienced such
discipline. But I do know that this
prickly shaped gift, has been of use.
There have been those of course who have been quick to point out that my
depression is either God disciplining me, or that my faith has been
lacking. In this affliction, I find
neither the discipline of a loving god, or a condition hastened by a lack of
belief.
The first lesson I
include today is...
Ecclesiastes 1:1
& 2 The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:
“Meaningless!
Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is
meaningless.”
The first two
verses of Ecclesiastes resonated with me as a teenager, the time when
depression had its onset. I don’t think
my depression was a hardship visited on me by God. My experience was that I
could not pray hard enough, or study the bible enough, or be obedient enough to
find relief. In hindsight, my depression
seems to have stemmed from just how messed up life was at the time. While maybe not the substance of books, life
at home was chaotic and at times violent.
But I have learned that all is
meaningless. That which we place importance upon, prestige, possessions,
wealth, whatever we may take as having significance, isn’t. That in the end whatever I may think is
important, is not. Whatever
accomplishment, whatever success, whatever importance I feel I have in my life
is meaningless. It does make me any better than you, nor do your
accomplishments place you in a position above anyone else.
The second lesson
is closely related...
Matt 6:19
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin
destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
There has always
been an aspect of my depression that has seemed a clearer view of the world, a
deeper understanding. In the absence of
joy in my life, I have seen the futility of the world around me. Depression has pointed out that whatever is
shiny and new will grow old, dull and rusty.
There is no lasting value in material possessions. Depression is also quick to point out that
regardless of whatever wealth may be accumulated it can never make up for the
It has taught me not to seek
fulfillment through material goods. Not
that I have that I sought to “store up” treasures in heaven, but I have
frequently sought that which has a lasting value – compassion, grace, service
and love/
There are few
people that I have in mind as I write this, I hope that in doing so, that I can
offer encouragement to you.
Til next post....
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