47. The Problem of Sin

I have been challenged as to some of the stuff I have written, and I do welcome that challenge.  One of the points of my blog is to encourage others to explore and challenge their own beliefs, and thus mature in faith.  As mentioned in an earlier post, for me it does not cut it to simply answer that it is what was taught from the pulpit, when I am asked to account for my faith.  And to my way of thinking I would rather explain a heresy earnestly believed than support a doctrine simply endorsed for convenience sake – but realize that is me.

So I have been asked about my objection to penal substitution.  And for me the doctrine of penal substitution encompasses so much within the context of our relationship to God, and in the nature of humanity.  Central to the events of the cross are the problems of sin and the nature of redemption and the idea of hell – hell being the place of eternal conscious torment. In order to explain my resistance I need to explain what I see as being the context of the cross.

And so I begin my explanation with sin: what is it?  Sin is simply that which keeps me from my intended nature and moves me further away from God.  It is easy enough for me to spot, mostly, in my own life – it is the stuff that I regret.  It is that crap I have done that makes me cringe when I think of it.  I also know that there are myriad ways that I am kept from being who I called to be, or created to be, and keeps me from experiencing the Joy, Wonder and Love of God.  These ways are often not obvious to me.

I have heard a lot about sin as disobedience.  And I know for myself often sin is choice, and that yes it is disobedience.  But when I consider my addiction – for being caught in the grips of my sin – it was not a matter of disobedience.  It was not like Sunday, November 23, 1983 I woke up and went “Hey, today I will obey the Lord!”

Yes, it was me who decided to stop and buy the box of beer, the bottle of booze and or the bag of dope.  And yes it was me who willing drank the booze and did the drugs.  But to say that was all my choice greatly misunderstands just how crazy I was at the time, and the absolute lack of choice I truly had.

The morning that I woke up and walked away from my addiction I think that moment, the miracle that happened, was that I saw exactly what my addiction was doing to me.  I had seen what my father’s addiction had done to him. That day, somehow, I was able to walk away from my sin.  Very much it was a journey of fear – I had known no one who had ever been able to be clean and sober.  Thus, it was with fear and trembling that I worked out my very literal salvation.

Galatians 5:17 “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”

The struggle I see is between what my nature – self absorbed, petty and hostile and what I am called to be, or created to be, compassionate and loving.  And maybe it just me, I have so many times when I just cringe at what I have done or not done.  For me, I see the issue of sin not as being one of our depravity, though there can be a case made for such, but an issue of my frailty.  I see the struggle as giving into that ever present self seeking – greedy – angry nature. 

As St. Paul writes – Oh what wretched man I am, for I do what I do not want to do, and do not do what I so desire.  Rom 7:19 (Drew Paraphrased Bible).

And so really, I ask, mostly myself, is God angry with me because of my sin?  And I don’t believe so, I do believe that God is angered by my sin.  He is angered that I am petty minded, self seeking, and less than what I could be.  But being angry at me, because I am weak?  Being angry that I am satisfied with petty distractions such as porn?  I am not so sure he is, I am not so sure that there would be a point to being angry.  For me, wretched soul that I am, I could not see a God who is infinite in compassion, love and patience, being angry with me. 

I believe that the first time I used drugs that a process of decay was set in motion.  I believe that if I had died without that process being interrupted that it would follow me past the gates of death.  To be caught in that addiction was hell and would continue to be so. 

I think about what I lose by the nonsense I do.  And yes, for God who sees with greater clarity than I what is lost, it must be incredibly angering.  I hope and pray that I continue to mature spiritually, that I put down childish diversions such as my litany of resentments, and that I grow in strength of the spirit. 

So as I write that I am committed to the belief that sin is not about disobedience, but about our failure to be truly human – I truly mean that.  We were created as being God-like – we were created to be in relationship to him. 

This sets the foundation for why I resist Penal Substitution.  More will follow.