144, Confusing the Issues

Originally I was going to call this post "In Search of Trolls"

This week Trinity Western University’s case goes before the Supreme Court of Canada.  If you have not heard of this case, it is that graduates of the law school of the university will not be considered for the Bar in some provinces because of the code of conduct of the school. The code of conduct prohibits sex outside of the university’s definition of traditional marriage.

          Do not get bogged down in the details; I haven’t. The situation is an excellent opportunity to consider how to translate a moral stand into the world.  And, I see few sides, except the university’s as being right.

          What confounds the issues is that almost everyone has taken a binary approach to the issues.  If you are not in support of the school, then you are Pro-Gay. If you are supportive of the school, you are Anti-Gay. So, let me wade into the cesspool created by people trying to claim moral authority. Both sides of this issue are trying to do so. The truth is, there are more than two sides.

          I support the school.  It does not house the only law school in the province, let alone the country. I think the inclusiveness of the prohibition against sex outside of traditional marriage is rather convenient. Their definition of traditional marriage does not include those between people of the same gender. But, it is not a hidden requirement.  If you are considering going to Trinity Western University, then you would already know, or quickly be made aware, of their position.

          If Trinity Western was the only university offering degrees in law, then there might be a point to this claim of discrimination. What if my personal belief was that traditional marriage had more to do with the oppression of women, and had decided not to become betrothed to Wanna? Or what if she was a he, and thus by not honouring the morals of the only law school, I was denied an education? Then, there might be more to this claim of discrimination than what I see now. Further, it is not a ban on LGBTQ people, rather their behaviour as the person attends.

          From what I have seen in the discussion of this issue, given my position of supporting the university, is that I would be considered anti-LGBTQ.  Which if you have read my posts, or talked to me, you would know is not the case. I consider myself an ally. I believe that scripture has been used to endorse the politics of a heteronormative society.  I also firmly believe that the most of collective Christianity’s stance has more to do with moral license than it does with scripture. Moral license is that idea I can do this bad thing, because I do this good thing, or do not do that other bad thing.

          But to others, I would be considered Pro Gay.  That is kind of a confusing statement.  Yes, I am an ally.  I believe that one’s sexual expression should not be reason to discriminate against that person.  It is not a slippery slope to stand on.  The referencing to those who offend sexually betrays a significant ignorance regarding the difference between sexual expression and sexual pathology.  Sexual offending has little to do with sexuality. But I am not Pro Gay. I do not believe that you should go out and have gay sex over straight sex. But I don’t believe that a man who loves another man should be denied his rights of citizenship because of that love.

          The entire controversy with this situation allows us to examine broader issues. Can I realize that one belief or position does not mean another? If I decide that the mosque down at the end of the street is welcome, then does that mean I support terrorism? Does it mean that I am not sure about my own Christian faith? Can I support Muslims and not be anti-Christian?

          Can I pause in love, and listen to the other person? I mean really listen, not so that I can offer a counter argument, but so that I can understand their position. Can I accept that someone else might be right?

We live in a world that is increasingly diverse and tolerant. I welcome that development. I like it that people of colour are no longer considered only partially human. I like it that women are people. But we have to change how we are amongst ourselves if we are going to present the Love of Christ to the world.  I believe, that it is showing the Love of Christ to the world that we are called to do.

143. Too Ethical to be Christian

During my earlier days, I had held onto a secret. I was too ethical to really believe Christianity. Then, I was confronted in church one day.  The ideal place to be confronted on one’s relationship with Christ.

          I had attended the Sunday Morning service of the Church of the Drunken Charismatic Lutherans. I was in town visiting my father who was dying of cancer.  I was asked by my good friend’s mother as to why I was in town.  I told her, dad was dying, and I was visiting. After a brief prayer for my dad, I was then asked if I would see my dad before I left for Vancouver. I replied I would, she replied she would pray for that conversation. I knew what she was getting at by the question. Would I be able to wring a death bed conversion out of my dad?

          My dad’s notoriety was all alcohol related.  On a good day he drank a little over 20 oz. of vodka. On other days it was between 50 and 70 oz.  That had been going on for the better part of two decades. It should not surprise you that my dad was dying of pancreatic and liver cancer. And despite my well nursed resentment for his actions, I realized that he was a sick man. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually sick as well as physically sick.

          Between the two of us, my friend’s mom and I, the one who should be rooting for an eternity of “How do you like the apples?” Should have been me. However, I was the one that saw that sending an old man to hell was wrong. This was a man who had not made a rational decision in twenty years. For him to be judged on making the wrong decision, was beyond unfair. I told her that we obviously were not of the same faith.

Now, you might want to tell me that this woman does not represent your faith. That not all Christians are like her. Or, that you are not THAT kind of Christian.

We have a larger issue. A certain Alabama Senate Candidate when he was an assistant District Attorney had sexually assaulted a fourteen-year-old girl. There are four more that have come forward.  And once again morality and my faith are at odds.

                There is a letter that was signed off by 53 pastors in support of Roy Moore.  3 of them have stated that they no longer support him. They point out that the letter they signed was from before this crisis.  But 50 pastors remain silent, and thus supportive of Moore.

Now, I am explaining that those 50 pastors do not represent my faith. That not all Christians are like them. Or, I am not THAT kind of Christian.

The truth is that those 50 pastors DO represent our collective faith. Too many Christians are like them. It does not matter if I am or am not THAT kind of Christian.

We have branding issue with our faith.  And we do not understand the dynamics behind this crisis. First, the morality of those without faith is better than our collective morality. Think about that for a moment. This not an exaggeration, those of our faith have used the nativity story to explain a 32 year-old-man for having a sexual encounter with 14-year-old girl. This sexual encounter was not consensual, nor was it in the confines of “Traditional Marriage.”

Second, Christ has endorsed this behaviour. The body of Christ, or was our being so just a metaphor, seems to approve of this behaviour. Even if the reference to the faithful being the body of Christ was a metaphor, we are the face of Christ to those around us.  We are the expression of our faith.

I have some suggestions. I always do.

First, let’s admit we have a problem with our morality. As a group we sign off on some pretty toxic shit. It is time that we stopped pretending that it is not our collective morality.

Second, that we demand that we do something about it. During the time of two churches I was discussing the teaching by the one minister with a member of that church. I said I thought the message was more than a little off, he replied, “I know, but he is just so entertaining, he gets me fired up.”  We need to do than more fact checking our ministers. Does the message from the pulpit, bar table, or centre stage reflect your belief? We need to support those who teach, and holding them accountable for the message is one such way.

Third, Tim Minchin, an Australian comic, says that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. He goes on to say, unlike assholes, opinions should regularly be brought out and examined. That they should be examined by those around us. Are you willing to discuss yours, to explain yourself, and consider criticism without defending your belief?

Thanks for letting me ramble.

142. Fuck off? Really?

Fuck off? Really?

First of all is the misinterpretation of religious scriptures, holy scriptures, in the Bible, Old Testament, New Testament, Quran and so forth, and these have been misinterpreted by men who are now in the ascendant positions in the synagogues and the churches and in the mosques. And they interpret these rules to make sure that women are ordinarily relegated to a secondary position compared to men in the eyes of God. – Jimmy Carter

The person who should probably read this post will probably never see it. I blocked him on Facebook.  I don’t think he is in one of my google circles either – I don’t even know if that caught on. But his response to one of my posts left me somewhat rattled, and even more; perplexed.

          The posting was innocent enough, or maybe not. It was a video that started with one of my favourite comedians Anna Akana. Her comment was, “I am seriously so fucking tired of being responsible for not getting raped.”  What followed were women talking about everyday things they did to feel safe in the world. It addressed the reality of living in a culture that still tolerates rape. 

          It was simple stuff like only listening to music with one ear phone in, and walking by one’s own house if she felt she was being followed.  All the stuff they do to feel safe in a society that still excuses rape.

          Curious, I could post a cute bear picture and have dozens of likes and numerous comments, or a picture of Snoopy with the same effect.  There were only two likes for this posting. And one comment, “Fuck off.”

Really?

Fuck off?

The comment still irritates me.  The answer to what these women experience everyday, the continuous undercurrent of fear, was, “Fuck off.”  A comment from a man who probably never experiences fear on a regular basis.  Not that men do not experience fear, we all do.  But for the most part I can walk down the corner 7 11 without worrying about being assaulted, let alone being raped.

          Those areas where I go that create a feeling of dread or concern are places I have to go to, most often by choice. As a child I grew up in a home where I experienced fear. But as an adult, no, I have never lived in a place where I was afraid.

          To be balanced, I know of men who have been brutalized in their home, of women who have abused, injured and killed their offspring. So us men are not alone when it comes to inflicting violence upon those close to us. But I think most men, most straight white men know a luxury others do not.

          I have never had someone come up to me and yell at me to go back to my own fucking country. Nor, have I ever been catcalled and told I had a great ass. I have never had someone call out to me, “Hey father, want another?”

So I have a suggestion for that man, and for all of us.

If you are sick and tired of hearing women whine, bitch and complain about what it is like for them to live in a world where they can be grievously assaulted for simply being a woman, then I have a suggestion for you.  Get off your ass and take a stand so that such complaints are not needed.

If you are sick and tired about women talking about claiming the power and agency over their own bodies, then I have a suggestion for you. Respect women as you would want to be respected, and support them in the same manner that you would want support for your own autonomy.

If you are sick and tired of hearing about date rape, and how women should be able to wear what they want, and go where they want, then I have a suggestion for you. Don’t be one of those who are cause for such comments, and at the same time tell those friends of yours not to be one of those guys as well.

In many ways, the situation has got worse. We have public, very public, celebrities and politicians making comments such as “Rape is the will of God.” “Women should shut up and enjoy it.” “It is not rape if it is your spouse.” I find it deeply disturbing that if we were talking man on man rape these comments would be unacceptable.

So, let me ask you…

Have you had THE conversation?

You know the conversation about how we have the responsibility to ensure that women around us feel safe, and know that we are not a threat. Have you talked with your sons and his friends? Have you talked to your friends? Have you decided yourself, that you will not be a threat no matter what the circumstances?

Have you taken steps to support women in asserting their own agency over their own body? Do those women around you know that you are an ally? Are you an ally?

I see this as an issue with no middle ground. To not stand visibly opposed to violence against women, is to condone it.